DS Holiday Party: for stormymouse, by Isis (<user site="livejou

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

what he remembers
PG, 640 words
Prompt 26: Stella/Ray K. "Sometimes I think you love the car more than me."
Thanks to malnpudl and secret_garden for beta, and to minervacat for Chicago help.


Good thing Stella doesn't come down to the station too often, 'cause it hurts like a bullet in his heart to see her, now that the two of them are divorced, split up, doneski. No matter how you put it, it sounds bad. It wasn't supposed to happen this way.

Ray watches her stride toward Welsh's office, focused and furious, high heels click-clicking. She doesn't even look at him. He watches her, not realizing he's holding his breath until Frannie comes up behind him and says, "I bet it's weird to see her in here, huh?"

He stammers something, and she nods, saying that she doesn't run into her ex-husband very often, thank God, because just seeing him makes her so angry she could spit. What a loser. Bastard even broke her arm once. "So I know how you feel, Ray," Frannie says, heading back to her desk. Good thing she doesn't seem to require an answer. Because that isn't how he feels at all.

What he feels when he looks at Stella - well, it isn't anger, but it sure as hell isn't happiness. It's like there's a Stella-shaped hole in his life that nothing else can fill, and it hits him like a punch in the gut. Because what he remembers when he looks at her are the good things, the good times, before the fights about her long hours and his bad habits, before just loving each other like crazy turned out to be not enough to keep them together.

He remembers one Saturday afternoon in September, when they both had the day off - hell, that alone would have made it worth celebrating, 'cause it didn't happen nearly often enough. But on top of that, it was a beautiful day, warm and sunny, and the sky was this amazing clear blue like nothing Ray had ever seen before.

They'd driven to Montrose Beach. Stella had made a picnic lunch, so they sat on an old tablecloth that she'd spread across the sand, eating sandwiches and drinking wine out of plastic cups, watching waves crash against the curving jetty and sailboats skidding along the horizon. The hot sun and the light breeze combined on Ray's skin to create the perfect temperature, the perfect day to be out on the beach with his girl. Stella had giggled when he'd firmly set her empty cup off to the side and slid over her, kissing her into the soft sand.

Her lips were soft, too; he remembers that. He remembers the way her breasts sort of squished against his chest, the way her giggles changed into tiny gasping moans. When he rolled off to the side, she'd snuggled into his arm and whispered into his neck, "Let's go home."

They had gathered up the remains of their lunch and walked back to the car hand in hand. As he put the things in the trunk, she opened the passenger door.

"Hey," he had said, touching her arm to keep her from getting in the car. "You've got sand on your butt." His hand dropped to brush it off, but she grabbed him by the wrist.

"You just want to feel me up," she'd said, smiling.

"Nah, I can do that any time. I just don't want you to get sand in the car."

"Sometimes I think you love the car more than me." Her lips curved into a pout, but her eyes were bright and laughing, and he grinned as he pushed the door shut again and pinned her against it with his body.

"Stella," he had said fervently, between wild kisses, "there is nothing in this world I love more than you."

Both of them had known then, on that sunny September day, that it was the absolute truth. Now, years later, Ray thinks that maybe it still is.

Comments

[lucifercircle.livejournal.com]

A wonderful look at Ray and Stella both now and in the past. Wow, you've captured them both perfectly.

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

What a nice thing to say - thank you!

[slidellra.livejournal.com]

Oh, this is lovely. Painful and nostalgic and feels very real. Poor Ray.

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Thank you - that's the feel I was going for.

[akite.livejournal.com]

Ouch! That was so good. I could almost feel the sun and the breeze. Poor, woobie Ray.

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much. I have to think about sensory detail, so I'm happy when it works for someone!

[stormymouse.livejournal.com]

wow, that was the perfect way to put my prompt into a snippet. i adore it because it's such a bitter-sweet glimpse into how their past might have been. thank you very, very much.

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Yay, I'm so glad you liked it. Thanks for prompting me to think about Ray and Stella, because it's not something I normally do, but I enjoyed the chance to look at a relationship that's so very important to Ray.

[stormymouse.livejournal.com]

i know exactly what you mean. i deliberately used the opportunity to ask for something i wouldn't normally ask for. and i did good! ::grins:: thanks again!

[exeterlinden.livejournal.com]

"Stella," he had said fervently, between wild kisses, "there is nothing in this world I love more than you."

I loved this glimpse of Ray and Stella in their happier days, of how Ray could have been in his relationship to Stella. Realistic and bittersweet. Thanks!

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much. I always think 'bittersweet' when I think of their relationship!

[mergatrude.livejournal.com]

yay! this is so good, so achingly sad. I love it.

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

And I love you for helping to make it better! Thanks so much!

[izzybeth.livejournal.com]

oh STELLA. oh RAY. (oh FRANNIE.)

::sniffles a little:: i always forget how much i love Ray and Stella, and then stuff like this jumps me and beats me over the head. gah. love this. lovely.

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much. And you have a lovely icon!

[nos4a2no9.livejournal.com]

This was pretty sad stuff. I'm never sure who's the bigger woobie - Fraser, who never had any loving, long-term relationships, or Ray, who did and lost it all. *sigh* Poor Ray. And poor Stella! What a bittersweet fic.

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

*pets you* Of course, this is the reaction I was going for, so it makes me happy to hear it.

[marcellapolman.livejournal.com]

Beautiful. I relish it when authors write pre dS scenes that fit the canon perfectly. It makes me feel closer to the characters somehow (yes, I'm a wuss).

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much. I think that this is what's so much fun about fanfiction, being able to explore the lives of the characters we love in the spaces in, before, and after canon.

[china_shop]

Both of them had known then, on that sunny September day, that it was the absolute truth. Now, years later, Ray thinks that maybe it still is.

Oh, ouch! That stings! *hearts sad!unrequited!Ray*

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

*sad!unrequited!Ray perks up*
*notices Fraser*
sad!unrequited

[j-s-cavalcante.livejournal.com]

Oh, oh...*is broken* Poor Ray. Poor Stella, even. Sad and wistful and nostalgic. Ouch. You nailed them. (Frannie, even. She would fail to get it.)

Just. The Stella-shaped hole, and the way she strides into Welsh's office, and oh, I just feel for Ray.

Here's the line that really broke me:
"Stella," he had said fervently, between wild kisses, "there is nothing in this world I love more than you." (Perfectly put, BTW.)
It's most painful because we know she's the one thing he'll never get to keep, in any version of his future, because having lost her is part of the fabric of his character. The post-Stella Ray is the one we meet in dS.

Hurts so good. You really get Ray Kowalski, and I appreciate that more than I can say. *hearts*

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Aw, thank you so much! Actually, this is one of the stories that helped me get Ray, I think, in a way, in that writing it made me really think about him and his past and his relationship with Stella.