First-Line Challenge (by joandarck)

[joandarck.livejournal.com]

Prompt: first line of "Duty" by akite
Pairing: Bob and Caroline with implied F/K.
Length: 250 words, G


The Here and Now



Bob Fraser and his wife argued. He was glad that was still true, actually. Relieved, even – it wouldn't have felt the same without that. He'd always admired her strong nature, her independent spirit. She hadn't really changed, there was just more... spirit.

"It'll make him happy, Robert," she told him. They both chose to spend time here, close enough to the Borderlands for their old lives to have meaning, close enough to sense the presence of their son. Benton hadn't drifted this way in a long time, though; he'd found some sort of anchor on the other side.

"What, that – that fuzzy-chinned excuse for a law enforcement official? He can't even render otter fat properly."

"Are you sure?"

"Well, I'm assuming." Bob would have harrumphed, out of old habit, but it would have been pointless. Caroline knew he didn't really disagree. They still argued, but it was all form, now. Still, he made another attempt, for form's sake. "Besides, what about my grandchildren? They can't exactly reproduce, now can they? Do you want the Fraser name to die with our son?"

The snow-covered Borderlands remained empty, unneeded, the petty sweating urgent world of life on the far side.

"Robert," she chided. "My dear. Is death really such a bad thing?" He could hear her low voice, see the warmth in her hard face, feel her calloused hand soft against his cheek, as if it were only yesterday.

He'd thought, being dead, he would have more answers.
 
 
 

Comments

[mrsronweasley.livejournal.com]

Oh, I absolutely love this - it's so lovely and evocative. Doesn't hit you over the head, but kind of...sneaks up behind you and grabs you. Who knew that 253 words could be so full of meaning?

And also:

there was just more... spirit.

Heeee! ♥

[joandarck.livejournal.com]

Oh -- thank you! I was just sitting here wondering what I could cut to make it more subtle.

Heeee!

Seemed like a Bob thing to say! :D

[akite.livejournal.com]

Eeee! I know that technically this isn't for me, but I love just the same. Poor Bob. I don't know that Ray would care to know how to render otter fat, but if he made his mind up to learn, he would. *g*

[joandarck.livejournal.com]

It was fun going through your first lines! Lots of interesting beginnings there. And, yeah, I bet Ray's quite good at rendering, really! Bob's just being difficult.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_unhurt_/]

wee and perfect.

"Well, I'm assuming."

*snerk* oh, bob!

the petty sweating urgent world of life

love this turn of phrase.

[joandarck.livejournal.com]

Still attempting to make it weeer ... wee-er... more wee.

[viciouscats.livejournal.com]

This is lovely.

[joandarck.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[eledhwenlin]

I just - awwwwwwwwwww. :D

[joandarck.livejournal.com]

I was going more for "vaguely depressing and creepy", but awwwww works! Thanks!

[nos4a2no9.livejournal.com]

I really, really loved the last line here - the whole fic lived up to your usual standard, of course, but that last line was poignant and lovely. Also the petty sweating urgent world of life was also very nice.

Also yay for ghost!Bob and dead!Caroline! Their very presence in a dS story calls for extra/unnecessary !!!

[joandarck.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you so much! I'm touched.

[buzzylittleb.livejournal.com]

He'd thought, being dead, he would have more answers.

Joan, you are killing me with your mind.

[joandarck.livejournal.com]

Oops! I didn't mean to! <3

[kristiinthedark.livejournal.com]

Much, much love for this. *draws hearts all over the place*

[joandarck.livejournal.com]

Aww, thank you!

[c-regalis.livejournal.com]

"Well, I'm assuming."

!

You are lovely, like always.

[joandarck.livejournal.com]

You are lovely like always.

[mergatrude.livejournal.com]

&hearts

Lovely, Joan. I can't imagine eternity changing Bob much at all.

[joandarck.livejournal.com]

Ha, which would suggest that Caroline is an unusual woman indeed for being willing to put up with that.

[troyswann.livejournal.com]

"What, that – that fuzzy-chinned excuse for a law enforcement official? He can't even render otter fat properly."

"Are you sure?"

"Well, I'm assuming."

Ah, terrific! I can just see Bob's diffident shrug there.

[joandarck.livejournal.com]

Heh, thanks!

[wolf-naked.livejournal.com]

I love how Caroline isn't exactly bothering to argue, just pointing out that Bob's wrong. Poor Bob, the afterlife is nothing like he thought it'd be, is it?

[joandarck.livejournal.com]

If he thought it wouldn't involve Caroline pointing out he was wrong -- nah, I bet he expected that! But, yeah, I don't think he's taking to dissolution too well, here.

[spuffyduds.livejournal.com]

Like everyone else, I was slain by the "assuming." Yay you!

[joandarck.livejournal.com]

Thank you kindly!

[j-s-cavalcante.livejournal.com]

He'd thought, being dead, he would have more answers.

Oh, man. No matter how few words you write, you still manage to devastate with one killer last line. Oh, Bob. Beautiful characterizations here. Very impressive in such a short piece. Bob is so Bob. He doesn't even do "dead" easily, does he? :)

[joandarck.livejournal.com]

Thank you! And, I wouldn't imagine that he would, really! He didn't do "dignified paternal haunting" very well...

[china_shop]

Awww, sweeeeeet! ♥♥♥

[joandarck.livejournal.com]

Awww. It's not supposed to be, I'm just not very good at these things. But thank you!

[china_shop]

More likely my late-night sleepy responses were off. Dissonant commenting -- it could be a new Olympic sport. ;-P

[mickeymvt.livejournal.com]

HA! You tell him Caroline.

[joandarck.livejournal.com]

I guess that was a bit of a zinger, huh!

[bluebrocade.livejournal.com]

(outing kink!)

[joandarck.livejournal.com]

Ah, yes, I suppose it does qualify for that! Cool!

[luzula]

Hey, I stumbled over this and I love it! &hearts

[joandarck.livejournal.com]

Oh my goodness! I had completely forgotten about this fic! Thank you for that, and thank you very much for the comment.