Recycled curtains.
May. 22nd, 2003 11:13 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
halimede.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
ds_flashfictionMy attempt for last weeks challenge crashed and burned, so I stripped it for parts. Besides feeding off my own story compost heap, I also recycled a classic, and somewhere in the process I seem to have found a new OTP. If anyone has recs for this pair (heck, if anyone knows if anyone has *done* this pair before --I've certainly never seen it) let me know. Many thanks to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rubyrosered for beta on short notice.
Scarlet
by Halimede
Ray steered Fraser and Frannie into the consulate, ignoring the guys in the overalls weighted down with an above average amount of duct tape who were diligently taping and sealing the windows and air vents.
"You can't go in there!" A senior looking duct tape guy called after them.
"It's an emergency!" Ray called back, flashing his badge over his shoulder.
"Technically, Ray, this is not your jurisdiction," Fraser pointed out.
"Yeah? Technically you are going to get your ass arrested if you step outside, so maybe this isn't the best time to argue jurisdiction with me, is it?"
Fraser reluctantly followed Ray up the stairs to Fraser's office --which was occupied by a duct tape guy, taping away. Ray changed direction, headed off another duct tape guy and locked the door of Inspector Thatcher's office behind them.
"Hey!" Duct tape guy said, muffled through the door.
"Don't worry, we won't be long," Fraser tried to reassure him.
"I wouldn't count on that," Ray muttered. He strode over to the window, looked out and swore.
"They followed us?" Frannie asked.
"Three of them. And there's more out front. I bet they're on the phone to the Dragon Lady right now."
"Now what do we do?"
Fraser took a deep breath, straightened his tunic, and cleared his throat. "There is nothing for it. I will just have to give myself up."
"No!" Frannie and Ray shouted in unison.
"Are you crazy? Elaine just needs a little more time on the computer. She can find this guy, I know she can," Ray said.
"You can't do that! Do you want to go to jail again?" Frannie said.
"But if you're arrested and they have a suspect in custody they'll pull everybody off the case, and Boom!"
"I mean, not that you wouldn't look good in the prison uniform, but--"
"She'll be hip deep in other cases again, and then we'll never find the guy who really did it."
Fraser held up his hands. He appreciated their ardour to prove his innocence, which was all the more reason not to risk their wellbeing along with his own. "I understand. But given the choice between being fumigated along with the cockroaches --though I still maintain it wasn't a cockroach, cockroaches have--"
"Get to the point, Fraser,"
"Quite right, Ray. Given the choice between being fumigated and giving myself up to the law, I prefer the latter."
Ray slumped.
Frannie punched him on the arm. "What? Are you going along with this? Do you want him to be arrested?"
Fraser winced as she punched him again.
"No, of course I don't." Ray sighed. "But as long as those FBI bozos out there think Benny is this Scarlet Pimpernel guy, they'll arrest him on sight. It would look better if he turned himself in."
Frannie turned her back on him. "I can't believe you're giving up."
"Gee, thanks for your support, sis. Do you have a better idea?"
Frannie thought about it. "Okay, how about you and Fraser change clothes? Fraser goes out first, and then when you come out and they try to cuff the guy in the red serge, you flash your badge."
"Oh yeah, great idea Einstein. And why am I not surprised that your idea includes Fraser stripping?"
"Hey! It could work!"
"Yeah, if a requirement for FBI agents was that they were legally blind. He might as well change clothes with you--"
Frannie and Ray exchanged a look.
"What?" Fraser said.
Frannie and Ray grinned at each other.
"Oh, no," Fraser said, backing away.
"It could work," Ray breathed.
"It really could." Frannie said. She turned towards Fraser.
"No," Fraser said, decidedly not looking at Frannie's hyper-short mini skirt, "I don't think that's even my size."
Ray slumped. "Dammit. You're right."
"Ray," Frannie looked significantly at the curtains framing the --as yet unsealed-- windows. Long, red, velvet curtains. "Remember your movie classics?"
~~~oOo~~~
Ten minutes later Miss Fraser emerged in the middle of Inspector Thatcher's office, swathed in red velvet from neck to toe. A couple of safety pins found at the bottom of Frannie's purse, and a variety of office supplies kept the fabric pinned, clipped and clamped tight across his torso, above a wide, floor length skirt.
"Ray, we need something to cover the back," Frannie said.
"How about this?" Ray threw her a small tablecloth.
"Good idea." She folded it in half diagonally, and draped it across his shoulders like a shawl, hiding the assorted binder clips and pins down the back of the improvised dress from view. "If you find something to cover the hair..."
"I'm on it."
Frannie got out her lipstick.
"Uhm, I always favored a subtle coloring," Fraser protested.
"Do I look like I carry the entire make-up counter at Neiman Marcus' around in my purse? You should be glad I decided to wear the plum today, the Deep Chili doesn't go with your complexion at all."
She grabbed his chin and confidently coated his lips with the waxy substance. She gently patted them dry with a tissue, and applied another coat.
"Wow." Frannie blinked, looking at her handiwork. "I didn't realise you had such a lovely mouth."
Her fingers still held him in place. Fraser licked his lips nervously.
"No, really, it's a very good shape." She brushed his lower lip with her thumb, perhaps fixing a smudge.
"I can't find anything to cover the hair," Ray said.
Frannie dropped her hand as if she'd been burned, and started rummaging in her purse.
"That's a very good point Ray," Fraser said.
"So... Any suggestions?"
"I think Inspector Thatcher keeps a scarf in the bottom drawer of her desk, but--"
Ray already had an unbent paperclip in the lock.
"Look up," Frannie said, holding the sharp, black point of an eyeliner pencil right near his eye.
Fraser dutifully looked up.
When his eyes were outlined in black, Frannie and Ray worked together on arranging the scarf to hide his hair. It even matched the tablecloth shawl.
"That's just not going to fool anyone," Ray said, taking in the whole picture from a distance.
"What do you mean?" Frannie protested. "He actually looks really good. Soft, and elegant."
"Maybe, but knowing those guys? These'll be the first thing they look at... I just can't get them even," Ray said, moulding Fraser's crumpled up office supply order form breasts at arms length.
"I beg your pardon!" Fraser said. Both Vecchios ignored him.
"You just don't have a woman's touch, Ray." Frannie shouldered Ray out of the way and took Fraser in hand. "Look," she muttered to herself, "You just have to..." Her hands moulded Fraser's new breasts to his torso, sliding under the velvet as she adjusted their position, cool fingers brushing against burning skin.
Fraser tried to hold his breath, and desperately wished for his Stetson to hold in front of him, but it was out of reach over on the Inspector's desk. Though he supposed the voluminous folds of the velvet hid him well enough. He hoped so.
Frannie kept her head down, but the tips of her ears were suspiciously red. Her hand smoothed across his torso as if to cup the swell under the velvet.
"Hey, what do you know?" Ray said. "That looks pretty good. Ready?"
"Yeah. I guess so," Frannie said. Her hand stilled before it could complete it's journey, then dropped away.
Ray unlocked the office, and together the three of them marched toward the consulate's back door.
THE END
rubyrosered for beta on short notice.by Halimede
Ray steered Fraser and Frannie into the consulate, ignoring the guys in the overalls weighted down with an above average amount of duct tape who were diligently taping and sealing the windows and air vents.
"You can't go in there!" A senior looking duct tape guy called after them.
"It's an emergency!" Ray called back, flashing his badge over his shoulder.
"Technically, Ray, this is not your jurisdiction," Fraser pointed out.
"Yeah? Technically you are going to get your ass arrested if you step outside, so maybe this isn't the best time to argue jurisdiction with me, is it?"
Fraser reluctantly followed Ray up the stairs to Fraser's office --which was occupied by a duct tape guy, taping away. Ray changed direction, headed off another duct tape guy and locked the door of Inspector Thatcher's office behind them.
"Hey!" Duct tape guy said, muffled through the door.
"Don't worry, we won't be long," Fraser tried to reassure him.
"I wouldn't count on that," Ray muttered. He strode over to the window, looked out and swore.
"They followed us?" Frannie asked.
"Three of them. And there's more out front. I bet they're on the phone to the Dragon Lady right now."
"Now what do we do?"
Fraser took a deep breath, straightened his tunic, and cleared his throat. "There is nothing for it. I will just have to give myself up."
"No!" Frannie and Ray shouted in unison.
"Are you crazy? Elaine just needs a little more time on the computer. She can find this guy, I know she can," Ray said.
"You can't do that! Do you want to go to jail again?" Frannie said.
"But if you're arrested and they have a suspect in custody they'll pull everybody off the case, and Boom!"
"I mean, not that you wouldn't look good in the prison uniform, but--"
"She'll be hip deep in other cases again, and then we'll never find the guy who really did it."
Fraser held up his hands. He appreciated their ardour to prove his innocence, which was all the more reason not to risk their wellbeing along with his own. "I understand. But given the choice between being fumigated along with the cockroaches --though I still maintain it wasn't a cockroach, cockroaches have--"
"Get to the point, Fraser,"
"Quite right, Ray. Given the choice between being fumigated and giving myself up to the law, I prefer the latter."
Ray slumped.
Frannie punched him on the arm. "What? Are you going along with this? Do you want him to be arrested?"
Fraser winced as she punched him again.
"No, of course I don't." Ray sighed. "But as long as those FBI bozos out there think Benny is this Scarlet Pimpernel guy, they'll arrest him on sight. It would look better if he turned himself in."
Frannie turned her back on him. "I can't believe you're giving up."
"Gee, thanks for your support, sis. Do you have a better idea?"
Frannie thought about it. "Okay, how about you and Fraser change clothes? Fraser goes out first, and then when you come out and they try to cuff the guy in the red serge, you flash your badge."
"Oh yeah, great idea Einstein. And why am I not surprised that your idea includes Fraser stripping?"
"Hey! It could work!"
"Yeah, if a requirement for FBI agents was that they were legally blind. He might as well change clothes with you--"
Frannie and Ray exchanged a look.
"What?" Fraser said.
Frannie and Ray grinned at each other.
"Oh, no," Fraser said, backing away.
"It could work," Ray breathed.
"It really could." Frannie said. She turned towards Fraser.
"No," Fraser said, decidedly not looking at Frannie's hyper-short mini skirt, "I don't think that's even my size."
Ray slumped. "Dammit. You're right."
"Ray," Frannie looked significantly at the curtains framing the --as yet unsealed-- windows. Long, red, velvet curtains. "Remember your movie classics?"
Ten minutes later Miss Fraser emerged in the middle of Inspector Thatcher's office, swathed in red velvet from neck to toe. A couple of safety pins found at the bottom of Frannie's purse, and a variety of office supplies kept the fabric pinned, clipped and clamped tight across his torso, above a wide, floor length skirt.
"Ray, we need something to cover the back," Frannie said.
"How about this?" Ray threw her a small tablecloth.
"Good idea." She folded it in half diagonally, and draped it across his shoulders like a shawl, hiding the assorted binder clips and pins down the back of the improvised dress from view. "If you find something to cover the hair..."
"I'm on it."
Frannie got out her lipstick.
"Uhm, I always favored a subtle coloring," Fraser protested.
"Do I look like I carry the entire make-up counter at Neiman Marcus' around in my purse? You should be glad I decided to wear the plum today, the Deep Chili doesn't go with your complexion at all."
She grabbed his chin and confidently coated his lips with the waxy substance. She gently patted them dry with a tissue, and applied another coat.
"Wow." Frannie blinked, looking at her handiwork. "I didn't realise you had such a lovely mouth."
Her fingers still held him in place. Fraser licked his lips nervously.
"No, really, it's a very good shape." She brushed his lower lip with her thumb, perhaps fixing a smudge.
"I can't find anything to cover the hair," Ray said.
Frannie dropped her hand as if she'd been burned, and started rummaging in her purse.
"That's a very good point Ray," Fraser said.
"So... Any suggestions?"
"I think Inspector Thatcher keeps a scarf in the bottom drawer of her desk, but--"
Ray already had an unbent paperclip in the lock.
"Look up," Frannie said, holding the sharp, black point of an eyeliner pencil right near his eye.
Fraser dutifully looked up.
When his eyes were outlined in black, Frannie and Ray worked together on arranging the scarf to hide his hair. It even matched the tablecloth shawl.
"That's just not going to fool anyone," Ray said, taking in the whole picture from a distance.
"What do you mean?" Frannie protested. "He actually looks really good. Soft, and elegant."
"Maybe, but knowing those guys? These'll be the first thing they look at... I just can't get them even," Ray said, moulding Fraser's crumpled up office supply order form breasts at arms length.
"I beg your pardon!" Fraser said. Both Vecchios ignored him.
"You just don't have a woman's touch, Ray." Frannie shouldered Ray out of the way and took Fraser in hand. "Look," she muttered to herself, "You just have to..." Her hands moulded Fraser's new breasts to his torso, sliding under the velvet as she adjusted their position, cool fingers brushing against burning skin.
Fraser tried to hold his breath, and desperately wished for his Stetson to hold in front of him, but it was out of reach over on the Inspector's desk. Though he supposed the voluminous folds of the velvet hid him well enough. He hoped so.
Frannie kept her head down, but the tips of her ears were suspiciously red. Her hand smoothed across his torso as if to cup the swell under the velvet.
"Hey, what do you know?" Ray said. "That looks pretty good. Ready?"
"Yeah. I guess so," Frannie said. Her hand stilled before it could complete it's journey, then dropped away.
Ray unlocked the office, and together the three of them marched toward the consulate's back door.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-05-22 02:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-05-22 08:52 pm (UTC)(I suppose that makes me a "Toonie" *g*)
no subject
Date: 2003-05-22 10:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-05-22 10:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-05-22 05:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-05-22 10:08 pm (UTC)eep.
Date: 2003-05-23 09:38 am (UTC)Just thinking about that in all its complexity made my head hurt.
*"You just don't have a woman's touch, Ray." *
Threesome, anyone? *eg*
Karen
Re: eep.
Date: 2003-05-23 09:32 pm (UTC)::innocent look:: I think they'd be good for eachother... ;)
Threesome? Like Fraser/missFraser/Frannie? Hmmm... Could be interesting.