Five challenge by Isis

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Five Roads Not Taken
Fraser/RayK and other pairings, G, ~500 words
Summary: Two roads diverged in a yellow wood.
Thanks to sprat for beta.



1. Mark

Of course, they were just kids, then. Playing hockey behind the Smithbauers' barn, laughing and pushing each other into the snow. In retrospect he wonders whether their constant competition had been the equivalent of the dance of wolves or great bull elk, trying to impress.

Maybe if he'd paid more attention back then, things wouldn't have ended up like this. Or maybe they would have; maybe Mark would still have been tempted by money, maybe he would still have made unwise decisions.

Maybe when Mark spent the night in his apartment, Fraser wouldn't have slept on the floor.

But he did.


2. Victoria

He still replays it in his mind, sometimes. Her hand, reaching out. The decision to run. The train, pulling away. The gunshot.

If Ray hadn't taken that shot, where would they be now? Hidden in the big-city maze of New York? Flown to Paris under false names and passports? Maybe he'd have grown a beard, and she would have cut her hair, the better to fool the authorities, blend in, slip away.

It's a harmless escapist fantasy, to imagine himself with her in some exotic city, fugitives, criminals, desperately in love. Kabul, Arequipa, Rome. The more unlikely the better, because he knows in his heart what the most likely outcome would have been.


3. Ray

It's human nature, he supposes, that we so easily imagine that our own actions - or inactions - are more important than they really are. That stepping on a crack breaks our mother's back. That choosing to attend or not attend a hockey game has an effect on the final score. The solipsistic fallacy. It's ridiculous. It's natural.

Still, Fraser can't help but think that it's his fault, somehow, that Ray was sent on an undercover mission to Las Vegas. It's ridiculous, but it's natural. If he had only spoken of his feelings. If he'd stayed in Chicago that summer. If he hadn't stepped on that crack.


4. Meg

Not that he would do anything about it. She's his superior officer; it would be unseemly.

But every so often the scent of gardenias wafts by him as she walks down the corridor, and his mind wanders, just a little.


5. Ray

His entire history with Ray Kowalski is littered with roads not taken, with words left unsaid. Maybe he was too cautious, but when they came to a fork, so to speak, he waited for Ray to choose the path.

And so when Ray asked if Fraser found him attractive, he replied that he wasn't really qualified to judge. Ray said he loved him - "not literally, I mean symbolically," and Fraser said that he understood. Ray said, "So, nothing's changed?" and Fraser did not say that he wanted very much to press his lips against Ray's again, only this time not underwater.

But here they are at Franklin Bay, and it occurs to him that maybe Ray has been waiting for him to choose the path.

"So if we live through this," says Ray, "if we get back to Chicago, I guess you'll partner up with Vecchio."

Fraser takes a deep breath, and makes his choice.

Comments

[buzzylittleb.livejournal.com]

Beautiful Fraser. *g*

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[elementalv.livejournal.com]

Oh, I do like this quite a bit. Lovely all the way through.

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Thank you, I'm glad you like it!

[springwoof.livejournal.com]

::squishes you::

oh, Fraser!

lovely picking of those fulcrum moments...

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Aw, thank you very much.

[viciouscats.livejournal.com]

Great last line. Lovely! :)

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[malnpudl.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's interesting. A history, an ingrained pattern of passivity and inaction... and then this is what it takes for him to see the pattern, and to choose to break it. Very cool.

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Oh, dear. I actually started writing a bit about how Fraser might jump out of a window, but Ray would ride a motorcycle through, and deleted it for being too much. I didn't want to imply that Fraser is passive - he certainly isn't - but re-reading I see how that comes through.

This is why you shouldn't be allowed to sleep in! :-)

[malnpudl.livejournal.com]

Well, not passive by nature, but only and specifically in the context of relationships, in choosing not to take action. At least, that's how I read this, and it seemed to make sense.

Also: Oops. Sorry. *g*

You have my phone number here, right? You can always give me a wake-up call. *g*

[eledhwenlin]

Awwww Fraser. The big woobie. ♥

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

He so is! (And hee, our icons match, sorta!)

[china_shop]

Oh lovely! A photo album of wistful. *pets Fraser*

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Thank you kindly!

[nos4a2no9.livejournal.com]

Lovely Fraser voice, and I really like the perspective you've lent him here, particularly when it comes to Victoria. He imagines exotic locales and being desperately in love with her (and she with him, presumably) but he "knows in his heart what the most likely outcome would have been." Ouch.

I also like the path not taken with RayV. That's an excellent closing line to the section, and I always wondered if Fraser would want to bear some of the guilt about Vecchio's choice to take the undercover assignment in Vegas. Given that it's Fraser, well, I suppose it's not really a question of would he feel guilty but rather how would he express it? and I think you've hit on the answer. Logically he'd shrug it off but he'd still feel responsible no matter how illogical the impulse.

Anyway. Excellent five things fic!

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Oh, I am so happy with your comment! I actually originally wrote a bit more about the outcome, there, but decided to leave it understated and understood.

And I found the RayV section both hard to write and extremely satisfying with how it turned out.

Thank you oh so very much.

[akite.livejournal.com]

That's Fraser all over. I shudder to think what would have happened if he'd got on that train with Victoria, though.

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Thank you kindly! I actually had originally written a bit more there, about him imagining his body thrown out of the train somewhere along the way, or police meeting him as Victoria slipped away, but decided I liked it better as implication rather than explicit.

Also, troyswann has written a remarkable and chilling AU you should read if you haven't, about what would have happened had he got on the train.

[hurry-sundown.livejournal.com]

Wow, Dysmas (http://troyswann.livejournal.com/452051.html). That's one of my favorites. Because I am in love with pain.

btw (b/c I'm too lame to comment twice), this was excellent - lots of punch packed into those 500 or so words.

But every so often the scent of gardenias wafts by him as she walks down the corridor, and his mind wanders, just a little.

That *points up* is just spot on. And makes me strangely happy.

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much!

[loz]

This is beautiful. It sounds just like Fraser and --- yes. It's right.

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Aw, thank you. I'm glad you like it.

[ignazwisdom.livejournal.com]

You have such a wonderful Fraser voice. This is beautiful. :)

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much! Fraser-voice is much closer to my natural narrative voice than either Ray, so I feel much more comfortable writing from his perspective.

[tanisafan.livejournal.com]

Aw, I really liked this, especially the different take Fraser has on each of those five paths. Also, I love how you included Mark in this :).

And I really love this bit: It's human nature, he supposes, that we so easily imagine that our own actions - or inactions - are more important than they really are. That stepping on a crack breaks our mother's back. That choosing to attend or not attend a hockey game has an effect on the final score.
as a metaphor for him and RayV. So very fitting.

And of course, I'm extremely fond of the last path being the road he chooses. *squishes Fraser* ;)

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much! It was fun trying to think about bits of canon that could be incorporated. And, um, yeah, I'm with you on that last bit. :-)

[julia-fractal.livejournal.com]

Beautifully done! You've packed so much history and a dead-on Fraser characterization into very few words. The whole piece resonates with quiet regret..and then comes to a great ending.

You should whine more often if it produces such lovely fic :)

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Hee, don't encourage me to whine!

And thanks so much for your kind comments. Quiet regret was exactly the mood I was going for.

[mergatrude.livejournal.com]

These are lovely.

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[pir8fancier.livejournal.com]

If he'd stayed in Chicago that summer. If he hadn't stepped on that crack.

For some reason, that couplet kills me. Nice. Very nice.

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

You know how sometimes you're writing, and you hadn't intended it but suddenly the absolutely perfect sentence bubbles up in your brain? That's what happened here. I'm totally in love with that last line in the context there.

Thank you so much!

[primroseburrows.livejournal.com]

His entire history with Ray Kowalski is littered with roads not taken, with words left unsaid. Maybe he was too cautious, but when they came to a fork, so to speak, he waited for Ray to choose the path.

Yay for Fraser's clue-by-four. And such a wonderful voice for him.

The Road Not Taken is my favourite poem, ever, btw. It's always been my theme, or something. It's perfect for Fraser, too, I think. :)

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much - I'm glad you liked it!

And me, I love the poem too. So much that I couldn't resist using the line I did for a summary, even though it really doesn't tell you anything, but I DON'T CARE.

[brigantine.livejournal.com]

Enjoyed all of his not-taken roads, but my favorite (aside from where he very sensibly chooses to pursue the RayK path. Ahem. Not biased, moi.) is Meg.

I love the image of him allowing himself a harmless little daydream about his superior officer. ;)

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much! I always thought they had great sexual tension but lousy actual prospects.

[spuffyduds.livejournal.com]

This is so very, very lovely. I adore the picture of him pondering all the previous ones, adding them up, realizing what he needs to do now.

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much! Hey, everybody learns, eventually. :-)

[j-s-cavalcante.livejournal.com]

I didn't realize I hadn't responded to this before.

Fraser takes a deep breath, and makes his choice.

And we know the choice he made. Neat character insights here.

It's interesting that most of the other choices were made by other people: either they weren't Fraser's choices to make, or he waited for others to choose. But the last one, he made himself. And if they find that reaching-out hand, I guess he'll let us know. :)

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Hee, and I hadn't realized I hadn't responded to YOU on this until I was looking through my fic tag for something else, decided to reread this, and found your comment!

I think that Fraser is very respectful of others' rights to choose their paths, but doesn't always see his options as choices; I think this partly comes from his becoming a Mountie because his father was (probably some fanon from Eight Sessions is in my head here).

[(Anonymous)]

The last sentence fits your agenda, but I personally don't think that Fraser chose Kowalski over Ray Vecchio in "COTW."

What Fraser chose was Canada over the U.S., and Kowalski made the choice to stay in Canada as well. I can't ever imagine Fraser telling Kowalski - "No, I won't be partnering with Ray Vecchio, because you're my partner, not him." To me, that very ambigious story about Bob and Buck always being partners no matter how long they were separated by time and distance means that Fraser will always consider both Rays as his partners.

Sorry - but I don't think that it's in Fraser's nature to want to choose one Ray over the other. After all, he seemed concerned when he realized that Victoria had gotten in the way of his friendship with RayV because she caused him to miss Ray's party, and Fraser actually leaves Victoria and runs after Ray to apologize and say that he would regret losing his friendship. I like to think that Fraser still exists in "COTW," and that he would never want to choose!

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

You are of course entitled to your interpretation, although your assumption that I have an "agenda" is incorrect. My intent was not that Fraser is choosing one Ray over another, but that he is choosing one path over the other.

But I don't feel it worthwhile to discuss things with people who don't put the weight of their identity behind their opinions. In any event, this story is over three years old, I am no longer in the fandom or invested in these characters, and I don't really care what you think.