Broken challenge by slidellra

[slidellra.livejournal.com]

Of the "somebody had to do it" variety. <100 words in which, um, seven or eight things are broken. F/K, PG. omphale23 looked at an earlier version of this for me.




A kiss, utterly unexpected, overwhelmingly soft and rough and real and now and...

"Shit, oh shit. Sorry--I didn't mean--I won't. I swear, Fraser."

Fraser's previous record from desk to office door was 2.3 seconds, and that time a child's life had been at stake.

The sound Ray made when Fraser caught him, and, happier, those he made later.

Fraser's left bootlace wouldn't give, wouldn't.

The vase blocked the window, and the window was Dief's exit.

The cot was on its last legs anyway. The desk chair was something of a surprise.


*

Comments

[hurry-sundown.livejournal.com]

The desk chair was something of a surprise.

I'll bet it was. *g*

[malnpudl.livejournal.com]

Dude. Distilled essence. It's like poetry. :-)

[akite.livejournal.com]

Hee! :)

[meresy.livejournal.com]

and that time a child's life had been at stake.

Don't beat yourself up about it, Fraser! We'd all beat a land-speed record in that situation!

Love this. &hearts

[tanisafan.livejournal.com]

The vase blocked the window, and the window was Dief's exit.
Heh, poor vase.

I love how much this conveys with very few words.
*glomps you*

[kill-claudio.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's wonderful! As malnpudl said, it's like poetry. Or like a series of really vivid photographs. Ahem. I particularly love the way Fraser breaks his own record.

[rosiespark.livejournal.com]

Wonderful icon!

[rosiespark.livejournal.com]

I've had a hellish day and this made me feel quite significantly better. Thank you! :)

[bluebrocade.livejournal.com]

I second this. BRILLIANT!

[omphale]

I still like it, and I'm happy about the way that the pov is clear in this version.

Fraser's left bootlace wouldn't give, wouldn't.

I love this line to distraction. *g*

[viciouscats.livejournal.com]

Brilliant!

[thady.livejournal.com]

This is great! :) So much in so few words.

[china_shop]

The cot was on its last legs anyway. The desk chair was something of a surprise.

Ha! *loves muchly*

[eledhwenlin]

The desk chair was something of a surprise.

*flails* LOVE. I feel so much love for this. :D

[brigantine.livejournal.com]

Fraser's previous record from desk to office door was 2.3 seconds,

I can so see him lunging over the top of the desk and tackling Ray before he can get the door open.

And Dief fleeing the scene. *snort*

Wry and funny, and oddly - but definitely - romantic. Fabulous! ;D

[etcetera-cat.livejournal.com]

This is so much distilled excellence. Like you've taken a whole story and boiled it down to the essential points. Much, much love. <3

[jem80.livejournal.com]

Snickers. The chair line made me spew my Dr. Pepper on my screen. Very wonderfully done!

[catwalksalone]

Word perfect.

*hearts you*

[vsee.livejournal.com]

Excellent

[somewhatdeluded.livejournal.com]

I. Really, really, really love this.

[spuffyduds.livejournal.com]

MARVELOUS.

::marvels::

[keerawa.livejournal.com]

I really like the way you made me WORK for this one. I had to picture each thing, freeze frame, and then break it. Very cool. Like a Chinese action film.

[mergatrude.livejournal.com]

Yay! Very cleverly constructed framework. Lots of lovely space for our imaginations to play with.

[zabira.livejournal.com]

i don't know HOW you do it, but i see EACH of these things crystal-clearly as if they were described in massive detail. way to distill the characters down and use what we know about them to convey SO MUCH. cuteness!

[mickeymvt.livejournal.com]

and the window was Dief's exit.

*snort* The vase never stood a chance.