TEAM REALITY: Day 1, "The Harder They Fall"

[sage]

Title: The Harder They Fall
Author: secretlybronte
Team: Team Reality
Prompt: "I can't feel my elbows."
Pairing: Fraser/Kowalski
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 22,500 words
Warnings: None
Author's Notes: Sincerest thanks to my betas, nos4a2no9 and qe2, neither of whom had nearly enough time to work on this story. Nos4a2no9 listened to my incessant whining and existential angst as only the best kind of friend would; I could not be more grateful. I don't know what I'd do without you. Qe2 was, quite literally, a cheerleader to the very end. Having her to joke with helped me to dial it back when panic set in. You are both such wonderful friends. All remaining mistakes are entirely mine.
Summary: "Ray spent a decade watching Fraser jump; he never prepared himself for what it would mean to watch Fraser fall."

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The Harder They Fall

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Comments

[grey853.livejournal.com]

What a great story. It's been a long time since I've gotten lost in a well-written, plot driven story. Your voice were right on, too. Loved it!

[secretlybronte.livejournal.com]

I can't tell you how relieved I was when this was the first comment. I am so glad you enjoyed the story and that you got a little lost in it - what a great compliment. Thank you. :)

[jule1122.livejournal.com]

This story was just amazing. The description of Fraser's head hitting the ground sent chlls down my spine. And the subtle way you let us know about Dief broke my heart with it's beauty.

I love the way the story built with both us and Ray knowing something was wrong, but never suspecting the truth. Poor Fraser going off alone to deal with it. Although I wonder if he had intended to tell Ray, but hadn't after Ray reacted to his leaving. The moment Ray forces Fraser to acknowlwdge what they feel, to make a choice about where they go was stunning in it's rightness and emotion.

Thank you so much for this story.

[secretlybronte.livejournal.com]

I think I'm going to a special hell for killing Dief AGAIN, in fairness. But I'm so glad that you enjoyed this. I can't tell you how flattered I am that the little moments I spent some time on resonated. It really meant a lot to me when I got this comment. Thank you so much.

[meresy.livejournal.com]

This is beautiful. Beautiful. Just so much hurt and they're so stubborn and just ♥. I want to wrap them both up and keep them safe forever.

I'd leave more coherent feedback but I'm running out the door and I haven't actually gotten to the end yet. I'm sure it's as lovely as the rest.

♥

[secretlybronte.livejournal.com]

I get to reply to comments now, even though you totally KNEW it was me about five seconds into the story. Hi. You were so smug in your guessing, too. :P I'm glad you liked this. I'm working on a revised version for when Sage switches the links. More dysfunctional sex. Whee! *headdesk*

[mickeymvt.livejournal.com]

Oustanding. My heart aches for Fraser and him trying to deal with it all by himself by shutting out Ray and running back to Canada. Then Ray forcing the issue that was always there between them. Loved them getting back into the cop partnership aspect of their relationship with the case, heck, I loved that there was all this meaty plot in this for me to really delve into.

[secretlybronte.livejournal.com]

I really do have to stop sending Fraser to Canada. For that to become my own personal theme... *shakes head* :) I'm so pleased that you enjoyed this. You never really know if something works until you post? Getting a comment like this made me feel just awesome - at the time and now. Thank you.

[green-grrl.livejournal.com]

Oh, it's always a treat for me to see Levon again! And I like Fraser slotting right back into Chinatown again.

Plus Ray stepping up and being the brave one is ♥.

[secretlybronte.livejournal.com]

Poor Levon gets such short shrift. I like to think he grew up okay. I'm happy that those elements worked for you and who doesn't like a brave!Ray? :) Thank you so much for reading. I really appreciate it.

[basking-lizard.livejournal.com]

"I… didn't know you wanted them," Fraser said slowly.

I'm only this far in but I'm already feeling kind of like this D:

I have a feeling it may turn into ;_; before the end...

[secretlybronte.livejournal.com]

It totally turned out okay! See? I wanted to tell you at the time, but I wasn't clear what the policy was on anonymous commenting. I hope it worked out all right for you; thanks for taking the time to read. :)

[kisiti.livejournal.com]

*mourns Dief*

A very poignant and engaging story. I really like caretaker!Ray.

[secretlybronte.livejournal.com]

I (obviously) like caretaker!Ray, too. Sometimes, it's just nice to see him taking charge. :) I'm really happy that you enjoyed it.

(*mourns Dief, too* I think this is the second or third time I've killed him. I really need to start keeping him alive. It's just wrong.)

[noctuabunda.livejournal.com]

Wonderful. I should've been in bed over an hour ago, and I really do need the sleep, but this is a masterpiece. Ray and Fraser both were perfectly in character, the plot was interesting (or rather captivating, since Im still sitting here) and detailed... a great read.
(And Dief! *sobs* But you told it well - actually, I can remember my dog behaving pretty much like that shortly before she died; it was horrible to watch.)

[secretlybronte.livejournal.com]

This was such a flattering comment. I was all, "I want to say THANK YOU right NOW" at the time. It was really amazing to get. Thank you so much - for taking the time to read it and for letting me know that you enjoyed it. I really had a lot of turmoil writing it. Knowing that you liked it was incredibly rewarding. :)

[mizface.livejournal.com]

lots of spot on dialogue, and a really interesting story. Great start to the Match!

[secretlybronte.livejournal.com]

Coming out first was a LOT of pressure. Especially knowing that I was going to be followed by so many awesome stories (and I hadn't even seen Whimsy's yet). I'm glad that you liked the dialogue; I think if I couldn't do that I wouldn't have a leg to stand on as a writer. I'm kind of balls at the rest. Thank you so much for taking the time to read. :)

[simplystars.livejournal.com]

My my. At first I was all OMG, Fraser's head! And then poor vexed Ray, and I started to suspect Fraser was seizing. And then he WROTE A LETTER and left and poor Ray redux! :(

And of course Fraser *wasn't* dying, but it sure felt like he might. But then casefic to the rescue and a new dog, yay!

Nicely done... what could have been serious!angst was mitigated by the touches of humor, even black humor, and by the Ray voice that was so spot-on. Thanks for an enjoyable read! :)

[secretlybronte.livejournal.com]

I keep splitting up the boys. It's terrible. I should be stopped, right? But I'm thrilled that you enjoyed this and that I put sufficient non-emo elements in it that everyone came out okay. I think the original outline was a bit more DOOM DOOM DOOM! *cough*

Thanks for reading it! :)

[spuffyduds.livejournal.com]

Oh my God, this was WONDERFUL.

I fell in love at, "Me? I go to work and I think to myself, 'Ray, it is a nice thing you have here, having a partner with whom you can share your day-to-day endeavors." What I do not think, Fraser—what I absolutely do not ever think—is 'Ray, it is a nice thing to have a partner so that you can go to his funeral.' I do not think that, Fraser!" And it just got better from there.

The hilarious "restaurant" riff about the boy's parents and their--limited interests. The great case mystery. (I loved the dialect/writing difference; I did not know about that, and it was a GREAT way to keep the case from being immediately solved by Fraser, and a fascinating detail.)

OMG ANGRY UNPREDICTABLE FRASER WHO THROWS THINGS. Wow. You made that work, and it is so, so SCARY.

And out of all this OWWWWW you pulled a wonderful, sweet, believable and real happy ending. Go YOU! *claps really a lot*

[secretlybronte.livejournal.com]

:) Hey you, person-my-story-went-against. I had no clue, FWIW. People were like, "Maybe Spuffy(?)" and I was all, "Naaahhhh..." I think what I loved about our day of Match was that I actually got to sit and read a story in a leisurely manner - one story - a luxury that was not repeated for the duration of the fest. I left a comment a couple days later, but I just wanted to say again that it was a pleasure.

Now! This is such a nice comment and I am so glad that you liked this fic. I felt like I was on this crazy rollercoaster with Fraser, so I'm thrilled to hear that it all worked. I kind of felt like I was channeling my own crazy at times and I wasn't sure it translating into decent fic. I found this rather reassuring. So, thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment.

[slidellra.livejournal.com]

Oh, man, YAY. This is fantastic. ♥

[secretlybronte.livejournal.com]

I am so glad you liked it! THAT is what it's all about, right?

[zabira.livejournal.com]

yeah, i'm basically INCOHERENT WITH ADMIRATION over here. i don't even know where to START.

you know, i guess maybe what i want to say is that it feels COMPLETE, like an entire, fully-textured world is inside it. something about that is very restful--strange as that may sound, given the subject matter. it's like...like...holding an egg or something. (arrrgh, cannot describe emotional reaction, grrr.) anyway, all of the little details FIT, they're PERFECT for the story. nothing feels extraneous or out of place.

AND OMG THE VOICES. RAY. OH RAY, RAY. you nailed his cranky, brave and startlingly funny way of talking SO WELL. and fraser, too. i can hear him clear as if paul gross were saying the lines in my ear.

and lasdfjlajsdflkasldfjaslkdflajsdf their love story, SO PERFECTLY THEM. i loved that moment when ray's in the kitchen, saying he feels ALIVE with fraser's eyes on him. and OH! "i don't care." and OH, OH, OH.

yeah...i'm really NOT partisan at the moment. there are hearts where my eyes should be. i'm going to go read this again.

&hearts

[secretlybronte.livejournal.com]

I've already responded to you! But I suppose I'm responding to everyone, so... I think what I'm happiest about is that you thought it sounded like Fraser and, god, I never feel like I can hear his voice. I think that's why I send him away so much. Ray is all blah, blah, blah, but Fraser just wants to be all formal, all the time, and say "Ray" a lot. So... awesome.

Yeah, thanks for reading(?). Whatever. Thanks for being Zabira. That works. :)

[ladyivy.livejournal.com]

That was a fantastic story. Well written, well plotted, fit the genre extremely well. It was just a really great story.

Loved it.

[secretlybronte.livejournal.com]

That is the best anyone can hope for. That the person reading it loves it. Thank you so much!

I couldn't be happier than to know you spent however long reading it and it was just a really enjoyable read. :)

[chalcopyrite.livejournal.com]

Dief! ::sadface::

Great case(s)fic. I loved the way you worked Fraser's seizures so subtly into the story -- he's so okay, until he's REALLY NOT and starts throwing plates. (Which, O.O;;) The interactions between them were great, Ray's snarky lines were great, the missing-kid case was interesting and complex.... and there was a dog. What more could anyone ask?

[secretlybronte.livejournal.com]

I know, I know. The killing of Dief. I have promised to stop for at least the next story or two. It is wrong and I shall cease and desist.

Probably more sex. People could ask for more sex? :) But I am glad it had all the other elements that you wanted and that it worked for you. I really hoped that the everything-but-the-kitchen-sink approach wouldn't drive people too nuts. I'm happy that it didn't, at least for you.

[petronelle.livejournal.com]

The suspense in this story was pleasantly nerve-wracking. Fraser's seizures were appropriately terrifying. Well done!

[secretlybronte.livejournal.com]

Yay! I'm so glad that I held the tension. I do fight with that a lot. I couldn't be more pleased. Thank you for reading!

[zebra363.livejournal.com]

Excellent ending! I enjoyed the look at sexual dysfunction.

[secretlybronte.livejournal.com]

The revised version will have EVEN MORE. (I know. It's like a threat. For serious.) I am glad you liked the ending. :)

[springwoof.livejournal.com]

the Ray-voice was really good, and I liked your plot very much. I also liked your minor characters, like Lt. Welsh and especially Levon--their voices rang true as well. Fraser getting badly hurt, and the reality of what that meant, was honestly depicted, and you really broke my heart there. Poor Fraser and being "told for this anymore" and poor Ray with his loneliness--it's true that Fraser's first reaction would be to pull in on himself like a turtle into his shell, and hold the hurt close. Until, at last, Ray found an excuse to hunt him down and confront him.

I also liked how honest the sex scene was (especially the part about how medication can impact the sex life):
"I told you: I can't. That was lovely."

"It doesn't bother you?" Ray asked, forehead wrinkling.

Fraser looked at him like he was a few cents short of a dollar. "Ray, of course it bothers me."

and I especially like that it *does* bother Fraser, and he doesn't try to hide that it bother him...

well done!

[secretlybronte.livejournal.com]

What a terrifically thoughtful comment! Thank you so much. I was really pleased to see that you liked Welsh and Levon. I had a bit of fun with their voices and I'm glad they didn't sound strange. I'm really just thrilled that you enjoyed this. We always fight so hard with time in this sort of thing and you never quite know if it works - it's nice to know that it did, more or less. :)

[etcetera-cat.livejournal.com]

This story is really, really well done-- both your Ray and your Fraser are utterly fantastic, even when they're falling apart. Fraser's life up in the NWT, after he's run away to hide (oh, Fraser) is a wistful and lovely thing. Thank you so much for writing this.

[secretlybronte.livejournal.com]

Can you believe I sent Fraser to Canada AGAIN? He'll actually appear in one of my stories for more than 2000 words someday. :) I'm really glad that you liked this. The way you kept up with Match was so impressive and I think we all appreciated it so much.

[nic_fics]

That was lovely, in a sad and disturbing and life-affirming kind of way. Poor boys!
The fall, and the plate, and the sex - all exactly right. And Ray sitting on the floor being Ray and kind - perfect.

[secretlybronte.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad - and actually, you liked all the parts I actually spent time on, which was great. I don't know what else would be but kind and Ray. :) Thank you so much for reading.

[umbrella-half.livejournal.com]

This is really good. Sad and full of angst - Fraser on meds and being stubborn and running away from Ray, and Ray being equally stubborn in return... I loved the awkwardness of the sex. And... yeah. Oh, boys... <3

[secretlybronte.livejournal.com]

I think I forgot I wasn't still on Team Angst for a bit. Or maybe all of my stories read like that. :) But, yeah... BOYS. I do love them so, even while I'm making them miserable. It's worth it to have them make up, I think. Thank you so much for reading and commenting, of course.

[bistokidsfan77.livejournal.com]

Oh, this one hurt - marvelous story!

[secretlybronte.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad! (Well, not that it hurt. But that it was marvelous! That's good. :)

[kyriacarlisle.livejournal.com]

Ack! Dief! Yes, I know, I know, that's the reality of time and life with pets, but...

I enjoyed the chance to revisit some characters and places - and I like the way Levon grew up.

Nice dramatic tension - I was really *nervous* most of the way through reading this, just because everything seemed so possible that I couldn't tell myself it would surely all turn out right in the end. I'm still a bit angry with Fraser for sneaking off (though, to be fair, there *was* a party, so maybe "somewhat duplicitously departing" is a better way to put it), but I believe he'd do exactly that.

[secretlybronte.livejournal.com]

I know, I know. Popular opinion says "Quit with the Dief-killing." I vow to stop doing it, at least temporarily.

I am glad the tension worked. I am never sure it works. I think maybe you can't tell with your own stories. I think... I wouldn't know what to do with Fraser if I didn't send him somewhere. I do it in every story I write whether I mean to or not. I think I have a thing for distance. :)

Thank you so much for reading! I really appreciate it.

[keerawa.livejournal.com]

Oh, excellent. This story is so rich, with Fraser having such trouble recognizing and dealing with the changes in his body, running away to Canada after Ray was shot and lying to make Ray think he was still working for teh RCMP, so as not to worry him. I love the quiet way you showed Ray freaking out while Fraser was showering, grabbing the cigarettes (from the junk drawer in his kitchen) and going all unresponsive. Which was then neatly echoed by Fraser's absence seizures later.

Hurray for Ray making Fraser eat properly, and Fraser rediscovering his own competency by saving the boy's life. Great Welsh voice, too. This is a story where actions have consequences, and that's the essence of Reality. Well done!

[secretlybronte.livejournal.com]

So, seriously, how obvious was it that this was me? I am glad you liked it anyway. :) I think you found a whole bunch of the stuff that I figured no one would even notice... just kind of the bricks and mortar that people read right past. Thanks for that! :)

(As an aside, it was so odd not having you on the team this year. You have no idea.)

[lamentables.livejournal.com]

That's a great fic, long and absorbing, wickedly funny turns of phrase, sad, frustrating and ultimately heart-warming. &hearts

[secretlybronte.livejournal.com]

I am really glad you enjoyed this. Every adjective you gave it is one I couldn't be happier to claim, so thank you so much. And for taking the time to read, since it was a bit of a beast to start off with.

(BTW, interesting was not bad. I think we all got knocked in the head a little, because it was so DARK. And then we weren't sure it was meant to be as DARK as it felt, because we had no idea who would have written that pairing AND been that edgy. For clarification's sake. So... interesting.)