Telephone

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

carlacoupe liked it, so I figure it's ready to post.

Communication


I wish you had a cellphone.

Not that one would work up where you are. I know that. I was there, just three days ago.

But I wish there was some way of reaching you.

We were just getting going. Ten days out and I was starting to learn some of your tricks, the things you learned so young you take them for granted: like drying sweaty socks at the end of a day with body heat, so they're not frozen stiff come morning when it's time to put 'em back on. I was just getting to where I could imagine getting the hang of the mushing, and the skiing, and the ice.

And then you saw something moving in the snow. A speck I couldn't hardly make out, but you swore it was people, and it was coming towards us. We didn't break camp. It was a weird morning, waiting for the dogsled to reach us, wondering whether the people on the sled were actually looking for us, whether they carried news.

If I'd known it was our last day together, I would've said something. Told you what I wanted: why I was really out there. What I hoped you wanted, too.

Turned out they'd been riding hard on our trail for three days. Their dogs looked exhausted when they settled down, too tired to even whuffle when ours started howling, and the two constables didn't look much better.

*MOM SICK STOP COME HOME STOP.* Shortest telegram I ever saw, and before I even had a chance to say anything you were switching the teams so our dogs could pull the two guys and me back to someplace a plane could land.

We didn't get off the sled until sometime the next day. Plane was waiting in the middle of an ice field.

I think I was crying when I hugged Dief goodbye. Told him to tell you I'd miss you. He cocked an ear and at the time I thought he understood me, but now that I'm home in this godforsaken empty apartment I'm wondering what I was smoking to be pinning my hopes for communication on a deaf wolf.

Ma's in the hospital. By the time I got my ass home her condition was looking up. Some kind of stroke, they think, and her left-side motor control still isn't good, but she's going to make it.

Dad did the right thing. If she'd died while I was up there with you, and I hadn't known about it, I'm not sure I could have forgiven him. Or myself.

But now I'm here, it's two in the morning, the apartment already feels stale and dusty and too goddamned small. Even the turtle's at Frannie's, so there's nobody to talk to.

So I'm talking out loud, sitting next to the telephone, because I miss you more than I ever thought I could, and believe me I thought I knew what lonely felt like.

I wish I could make you call.

***

O'Hare is exhausting and noisy at the best of times, and two a.m. on a Saturday is not the best of times. I left Diefenbaker behind, not wanting to put him through the rigamarole of quarantine again so soon after our return home. He asked me to convey his most sincere face-lickings to Ray, and I'm still not certain whether or not he meant that flopped ear to be the vulpine equivalent of a human raised eyebrow.

Attributing archness to my wolf. It's possible I'm losing my mind.

That would explain why I'm standing indecisive outside a dirty payphone booth, back so soon in the city I was so relieved to bid farewell.

But I know that if my erstwhile partner's mother is dying, I need to be here with him: I know something about how it feels to be that lost.

I know Ray's number; I have dialed it more times than I could count. Still, my fingers hesitate over the grimy keys. What if he is not pleased to hear from me? What if his mother's illness holds the silver lining of releasing him from his northern adventure, his real or perceived obligations to me, and my voice is the last one he wants to hear?

I know these are ridiculous questions, the products of a mind both overtired and, of late, underused. I let Walker's dogs rest half a day, fed them well on frozen meat and the stock of biscuit I had intended for our journey, and then spent two days driving them hard myself. An hour with Dief, a few phone calls, and the plane was back to ferry me to a proper airport. I left our gear at the station with my wolf. I spent the money and the time to come all this way. I cannot lose my nerve now.

In my heart of hearts, I know that Ray will not turn me away. That even if his desires do not match mine, he will not reject at least my offer of a shoulder to lean on in this difficult time.

I am lifting the receiver. I am taking a deep breath, ignoring the various savours of the city entering my lungs. I am lifting my finger to dial.

(877 words)

Comments

[tikiaceae.livejournal.com]

thank god, he's calling.

[thermidor.livejournal.com]

That was lovely!

Yay Fraser for going to get his man.

[beledibabe.livejournal.com]

I like this more every time I read it. Mmmm... So delicious!

[bethbethbeth.livejournal.com]

Sure, now I have to go face a new class with a happy smile on my face. I'm blaming you if they don't believe me when I say I'm stern. *g*

Lovely, hon.

[lamardeuse.livejournal.com]

Ohhhhh....
Yes, I know it was perfect to end it there.
But I still whimpered at the end.

[doll-revolution.livejournal.com]

i'm going to comment on the story later on, but. . .DAMN!!! i love that icon!

in the 80s, i would killed almost killed family members to get a shot a murdock. i certainly would have sold my sister into slavery. really.

mmm, mmm!

[rusty76.livejournal.com]

Fabulours - just the right twist of anticipation and tension.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

I was so worried that the first part was all there was, and as I scrolled down and saw the second half my heart did a little happy pit-a-pat. Thank you for that.

[brooklinegirl.livejournal.com]

So I'm talking out loud, sitting next to the telephone, because I miss you more than I ever thought I could, and believe me I thought I knew what lonely felt like.

The loneliness is palpable here. It's a lovely, sad tale, made me sigh and smile. This is an incredible line; it's definitely going to stick with me.

He asked me to convey his most sincere face-lickings to Ray, and I'm still not certain whether or not he meant that flopped ear to be the vulpine equivalent of a human raised eyebrow.

Attributing archness to my wolf. It's possible I'm losing my mind.

This just made me grin so much. This little tale just purely captures both Ray and Fraser. Of course Fraser would come. So happy. Loveliness.

[jenboo.livejournal.com]

Go Fraser! Dial that phone!

I can see Ray jumping about ten feet when the phone rings and then thinking 'holy fuck, I did it! I made him call!' after he hears that it's Ben.

But I loved this bit: He asked me to convey his most sincere face-lickings to Ray, and I'm still not certain whether or not he meant that flopped ear to be the vulpine equivalent of a human raised eyebrow.

Dief's so sly! ;o)

[spacebrat.livejournal.com]

So I'm talking out loud, sitting next to the telephone, because I miss you more than I ever thought I could, and believe me I thought I knew what lonely felt like.

Oh my god. *sniff* Thank you, Fraser, for picking up that phone. Thank you thank you thank you.

[bluster.livejournal.com]

This was lovely. Fraser's hesitation and fear at calling was palpable and made me feel for him. Even though as the reader I know Ray's going to be thrilled to hear from him.

[halimede.livejournal.com]

Oh wow, I could feel busy airport & city-after-country air in my lungs when I was reading that. One thing puzzles me though, why 'vulpine'? Dief isn't part fox, is he?

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

::smacking forehead::

I knew that looked wrong. I meant lupine, not vulpine. Jeez. My bad.

Glad you liked it otherwise, though! And thanks for pointing out the error -- I'll fix that next week when I toss this on my flashfic webpage.

[halimede.livejournal.com]

No prob. I was just starting to wonder if I'd missed the episode where Dief's even more mixed parentage was revealed, to be honest. ;)

[doll-revolution.livejournal.com]

even though that really was the perect place to end the story. . .i STILL want more.

greedy little thing, aren't i?

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

It's so hard to find an original scenario for post-COTW fiction, and I like this one very much.

Also, I love that both of them show how important Dief is to them. He really has such a stake in their relationship and I like to see him acknowledged.

Really terrific stuff, Kass. :)

[maubast.livejournal.com]

Lovely. Thank you!

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

Yay! Very, very nice. I could *see* them both...

::sniffs::

[imkalena.livejournal.com]

I'm with Deb. This is the sort of "It could have gone so wrong" happy ending that just makes me all sniffly.