Telephone

Jun. 4th, 2003 10:45 am
ext_3548: (silhouette)
[identity profile] shayheyred.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] ds_flashfiction


513 words


“.....mmm--what!”

“......”

“Hello? Hello! Who the hell….”

“.....Ray....”

“Can’t hear you -- who is this?”

Ray.”

“Fraser? That you? It’s the middle of the--"

“--Ray. Please.”

“Fraser? You okay?.....Fraser? Hello?”

“No....not.”

“You hurt? Fraser--are you hurt?”

“No....well....yes."

"What the hell happened?"

"Dief....went after him…”

“After who? Fraser!”

“Break in.....tried to stop.....had a knife.....”

“Jesus. Jesus. Okay, okay, Frase. Listen to me. Where are you?”

“Phone.....corner of Fourth, near Consulate....”

“All right. Hold on, buddy. Keep holding on. Just gotta use my cellphone to call an ambulance. Just hang on this line. Don’t go anywhere. Got that?......Fraser! Are you with me?”

“Yes....with you.”

“Good. Hold on while I get my--"

“....Ray....don't go. Have to tell you....”

“Just a second, Frase. Just a second, buddy. I’m just putting down this phone for a second while I make the other call. Hear me? Keep breathing for me.”

“....Ray?”

.......

“Ray!”

“.....Right here. I’m back. I’m right here. Got an ambulance coming. I’m coming. Coming to get you, Frase. You hold on there.”

“Don’t have to.....Just wanted to tell you....”

“What do you mean? What the fuck kind of partner do you think I am? ‘Don’t have to,’ Christ.”

“Ray. If. I. Don’t....”

“What do you mean?”

“.............”

“Fraser! Damn it! Speak to me! Are you there?”

“....yes.”

“Good. Good. Greatness. You just stay there and keep breathing for me.”

“Wait. If....I don’t make....”

“No! Shut up, do you hear me? Do you hear me, Fraser? You’re going to--"

“--Just let me. Want to tell you. Need to tell you.”

“Fraser--”

“All this time....never thought...after Ray Vecchio that I...”

“Frase?”

“Ray....have to tell you I l--"

“--Wait! You don’t.....Listen to me. Do not tell me now. Understand?”

“....What?”

“I’m coming. You can tell me then.”

“No.....now. May not--"

Yes. You will!”

“Please, Ray. Have to tell you. You and I. I feel--“

“Shut up. You have to tell me when you see me, understand? Only. When. You. See. Me. Got it? You can NOT tell me until then.”

“But, Ray....please, I--”

“No! I’m not listening. You have to tell me in person, you hear me, you stubborn Mountie? I won’t let you tell me until then. You can’t tell me until then. That’s an order!”

“That’s....just silly, Ray. You can’t....give me.....orders.”

“Yes, I can, you’re in my fucking city and I give the orders. And I’m ordering you to tell me when you see me.”

“Ray--”

“--I have to hang up the phone now. I’m walking out the door, Fraser, and getting in my car and coming to get you. Got that?”

“Yes, Ray.”

“And you’re going to stay there like a good little Mountie, and keep breathing for me, right?”

“Yes, Ray.”

“And you’re not going anywhere, Constable Fraser. Anywhere. Do you hear me?”

“....”

“Fraser! Answer me! Report!”

“Not....going anywhere."

“Good. All right, then. Hanging up. Be there soon, buddy. Very soon. You tell me then. You tell me everything then.”

“Yes, Ray.”

“Okay. Coming to get you.”

CLICK

Oh God, oh God, oh God, Fraser. I love you too.

Date: 2003-06-04 08:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tobyfan.livejournal.com
!!!

You leave us hanging like that? Hmph!

*g*

Seriously, though, you hooked me right from the start. But we *need* to know what happens when Ray gets there.

Date: 2003-06-04 08:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ajinamoto.livejournal.com
YIKES!

Don't do this to me while I'm at work. I hope you're going to follow up on this, young lady. You'll once again have to answer to my family if I have a heart attack, do you hear me?

Let me warn you, my family holds grudges. I may even have a ninja in the family. Yeah, that's right, a ninja. A Jewish ninja.

This story rocked. It moved fast. It must continue.

Date: 2003-06-05 06:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kassrachel.livejournal.com
They also dress all in black and utter loud keening screeches as they attack.

*lol*

Lovely snippet, btw. Do keep going, eh?

Date: 2003-06-04 08:27 am (UTC)
ext_1175: (Rhys)
From: [identity profile] lamardeuse.livejournal.com
FUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Date: 2003-06-04 08:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jenboo.livejournal.com
If I had a Dief icon, I'd have it up and he'd be howling! A desperate, 'help-me' type sound.

Wow...Ray totally gets it and he's off to the rescue and oh God this was great and is there going to be a follow-up because I want to know they get out of it okay!

See what you made me do, Shay? You made me write a run-on sentence. *g*

Date: 2003-06-04 09:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ajinamoto.livejournal.com
I'll have my icon howl for you too. Hopefully, that'll get Shay to resolve this (preferably in a good way, because I'm a hopeless romantic). The noise will disturb her officemates and she'll be forced to placate us.

Date: 2003-06-04 09:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jenboo.livejournal.com
I never bite unless you ask first. *g*

Date: 2003-06-04 09:00 am (UTC)
ext_3545: Jon Walker, being adorable! (Default)
From: [identity profile] dsudis.livejournal.com
I am over here at work, meeping piteously. Please, please write them through this, because this was great, zero to sixty in two sentences and I'm left feeling like I need to run somewhere and do something to help, so. Please?

Date: 2003-06-04 09:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bethbethbeth.livejournal.com
Another in a line of desperate at-work people saying "nooooooooo!"

Stay alive, baby...Ray's coming!

Date: 2003-06-04 10:00 am (UTC)
ext_8892: (Default)
From: [identity profile] beledibabe.livejournal.com
Five hundred thirteen words.

FIVE hundred thirteen words.

Five HUNDRED thirteen words.

Five hundred THIRTEEN words

Five hundred thirteen WORDS.

Crap. No way can I make that more. Despite the fact that I'm fairly (read that as 'massively') desperate to know WHAT THE HELL HAPPENS NEXT!

Ahem.

I shall maintain a ladylike demeanor, as I always try to do, and will recline upon my chaise longue with my fan and a very small glass of sherry.

And I shall wait.

And wait.

And wait...

Date: 2003-06-04 10:55 am (UTC)
ext_8892: (Default)
From: [identity profile] beledibabe.livejournal.com
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.... indeed. ::snort::

Well, I hope you have a wonderful holiday, and find time to finish your wip, as well as this. ::clutching hope to bosom::
(deleted comment)

In the minority as usual...

Date: 2003-06-04 10:41 am (UTC)
ext_3579: I'm still not watching supernatural. (Default)
From: [identity profile] the-star-fish.livejournal.com
...but I kind of liked the way you left it.

Not that I'm saying I don't want to read more of your work (duh!) but I liked the ending as-is. Because Fraser won't give up, it's not in his nature, and Ray *gets it* and ... I likes me the angst, sometimes. Brava, madame.

Date: 2003-06-04 11:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] murielperun.livejournal.com
That was a little gem just the way it is, angst and all!

...although if you wrote a little more I wouldn't kick it out of bed. ;-)

Date: 2003-06-04 11:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluster.livejournal.com
You're sadistic, you know that don't you? I think you need to cancel your vacation so you can write the rest of this. :-) It's a sign of a good story (or the beginning of one *g*) when we care enough to desperately want *more.*

Re:

Date: 2003-06-04 12:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluster.livejournal.com
I like someone who takess being called sadistic a compliment. :-)

Good luck with the move. You can feel good that you're doing something for someone else. And hopefully you'll have a great vacation.

The original picture of Callum is actually for sale on ebay. It's a publicity shot his management company sends out and if I had tons of money to spend I'd buy it. However, $51 seems a little steep even for Callum. If you don't want to go find it on ebay I can send you the original via e-mail.

Re:

Date: 2003-06-04 01:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluster.livejournal.com
*snerk* You're funny. :-)
(deleted comment)

Date: 2003-06-04 12:08 pm (UTC)
ext_12460: acquired from fanpop.com (Default)
From: [identity profile] akite.livejournal.com
Phoning this in from work too. Damn, Shay! I'd love some more also. If I don't see you before then, have a nice vacation.

Date: 2003-06-04 01:01 pm (UTC)
ext_12460: acquired from fanpop.com (Default)
From: [identity profile] akite.livejournal.com
LOL, no where you could probably wave at going to Indiana. I'm down here in Texas.

Date: 2003-06-04 01:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ajinamoto.livejournal.com
Where in Indiana are you going?

Date: 2003-06-04 02:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ajinamoto.livejournal.com
I'm in Chicago, closer to Northwest Indiana.

Date: 2003-06-04 12:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rubyrosered.livejournal.com
Well, I'm putting in my vote for more! I do appreciate it as a wonderfully angsty story in and of itself.

But it leaves me kind of... unsettled. Worried. Like I need to *know* that Fraser is going to be all right. Like if I could just read the part where he's okay and they finally have that conversation, then everything will be better.

Okay, maybe I got a little bit too wrapped up here. :)

anymore for anymore?

Date: 2003-06-04 03:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mergatrude.livejournal.com
Just terrific the way it is - but wouldn't say no to more ...

Date: 2003-06-04 09:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] imkalena.livejournal.com
Oh God, oh God, oh God, Fraser. I love you too.

AAAAAAH! I can't stand it!

I knew you were evil, I just didn't know this would be how I'd find out!

Date: 2003-06-05 12:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ardent-muses.livejournal.com
Oh dear. This made my heart rate speed up. My adrenal gland thanks you kindly for the workout. *G*

Effective dialogue. Great pacing. I thought you left it at a very effective place.... but I still want the happy resolution. Please.

I can see this isn't part of the project we talked about, so I'm kind of torn. I'm looking forward to seeing THAT finished, but also more of this.

Could you please clone yourself? I'd appreciate it.

Date: 2003-06-10 11:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cesperanza.livejournal.com
I'm voting for leave as is, but only because I'm so admiring of the tension, and the understatement. Pain at a distance is so much more painful, and this is a brilliant use of the phone challenge idea, if you ask me. Gorgeous work!

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