Neighborhood Watch

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

Big thanks to bluster for her fast and wonderful beta. :)

Neighborhood Watch
c. 2003 Kellie Matthews and Ardent
882 words


"Georgia?"

"Hi, Muriel! What's cooking?"

"Well, honestly Georgia, I am."

"Hot flashes again?"

"Um . . . not exactly. Not that kind anyway. You know those two guys who moved in behind us?"

"In the old Klein house? I'd heard they're cops."

"Well, one of them is. The other one is apparently a Mountie."

"A what?"

"A Mountie. You know. Canada. Red coats. Funny pants. Hats. We saw some on that TV special about Niagara Falls, remember?"

"Oh, sure. Now I remember. What's a Mountie doing here?"

"I have no idea. But that's not why I called."

"Why did you call? Trying to round up the ol' welcome wagon?"

"There's a good thought. But no, that's not it either. I don't think they're just living together. I think they're Living Together."

"Oh for heaven's sake, Muriel. They're policemen. What on earth makes you think that?"

"They're only using one bedroom. You know how their house is the same plan as ours except reversed on the lot, and the master bedroom is in the back and it faces ours? They don't have curtains up yet."

"Muriel! You didn't!"

"I did," she said smugly. "Not only are we back-door neighbors, but they are too."

"I don't believe you said that! I don't believe you did that!"

"Well, I couldn't see everything, the bed's in the wrong place, but I saw enough. And I have to tell you, Georgia, if I wasn't already having hot flashes before, I would be now. Those two are. . . well, let's just say I think we ought to hold this week's bridge game in our bedroom."

"Won't Earl wonder why?"

"Nah. I'll tell him it's so he can watch football on the TV without having to hear us chatter."

* * *


"Muriel? It's me. Get to your back window. Now. They're doing it again."

"They're doing it? And the curtains are open? You know, I'm still mad at Ellen for turning on the light at the bridge game the other night. Darn it, just our luck the dark-haired one's hands were braced against the window-sill at the time, or he might not have seen us."

"Murphy's law, don't you know? But no, they're in the back yard. Working on that dog-door for the garage again."

"Oh my God, you're right! If only he'd take his shirt . . . there we go. And the hose is . . . the hose is on. They're. . . just look!"

"I am looking, Muriel! And I have my binoculars."

"Georgia, hang up and call Ellen. I'll call Marge."

* * *

"Ellen? Georgia here. Get to your downstairs bathroom window."

"Now? What on earth for?"

"Yes now. They're spraying each other."

"With the hose?"

"Well of course with the hose, what did you think I . . . oh. Yes, with the hose."

"Oh . . . my. The blond one just took his shirt off, too. And now they're spraying the dog."

"Benton says it's a wolf."

"You talked to Benton did you? When was this?"

"When I took over my famous lemon-lime Bundt cake yesterday for a welcome gift."

"You shameless hussy! I'm telling Phil."

"Oh no you won't, because you know Phil will tell Earl, because he tells Earl everything, even about his 'little problem,' and if he does, then Earl will figure out why we moved the bridge game. And he'll tell Bernie and Ed."

Ellen giggled. "And we can't have that."

"Nosireebob. Things haven't been this interesting in this neighborhood since the seventies! Wait! Is that Muriel at her back fence?"

"It is. And she's got a pitcher."

"The old iced-tea ploy, eh? Smart girl."

"Someone must've called Flora, I think she's looking out her side-window. The sun is glinting right off that old telescope of Marty Junior's."

"She needs to be more careful. I'll run over there later and remind her about being discreet. Maybe she can put some black paint or electrical tape on the shiny parts."

"I think that might make it a little hard to see through, Georgia."

"True. Maybe some old pantyhose . . ."

"There you go. Oh, darn. They're going inside now."

"Guess they didn't want any iced tea. Oh, hang on. That's my call waiting. . . Hello?"

"Hi. This Ms. Romanow?" The voice was unfamiliar. Male. Native Chicagoan, judging by the nasal accent.

"It is."

"Good. This is Ray Kowalski, from down the block. The blue house. My partner and I were wondering if you wanted to come over."

"Me?" Heavens. Was that squeak her?

"Yeah. We're inviting everyone in the neighborhood for a barbecue. Sort of a combined Canada Day and get-to-know-you thing."

"Oh." She tried not to sound disappointed. "That sounds lovely."

"Great. This Saturday night. Oh, and while everyone's here, we thought we'd have a meeting, too."

"A meeting?"

"Yeah. We thought we'd try to get a neighborhood watch organized, since everyone seems to be pretty interested in surveillance around here." He chuckled drily. "See you Saturday at four. Oh, and bring a salad."

After he hung up, it took a minute to remember to click back over to her other call. "Ellen?"

"Georgia! Is that you? You'll never believe this. I just got a call, myself. That nice Mr. Fraser. . . "

". . . inviting us to a barbecue. And a meeting to organize a neighborhood watch."

There was a moment of silence. "Busted."

"Definitely."

Ellen sighed. "Oh well. It was nice while it lasted."


* * * fin * * *

Comments

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Heeee! This is completely delightful and wonderfully demented (especially the note to put electrical tape on the binoculars, heh). I love your cast of characters, and the idea of Ray and Fraser busting their nosy neighbors in such a charming way.

[(Anonymous)]

Thanks! It really grew out of a joking conversation we were having one night about what we'd do if they lived in OUR neighborhood. ;-D

--Kellie

[mergatrude.livejournal.com]

Well really, no curtains is sort of an invitation! Takes me back to my days of apartment living in a big city. Giggle-inducing.

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad you liked it! And yeah -- two gorgeous men, no curtains? I'd be there in a second. *G*

[mei-x.livejournal.com]

Heehee! I enjoyed this. What an interesting neighborhood.

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

Thanks Mei! Hee. We had fun writing it.

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

Thanks very much, Jodie!

Re: Neighborhood Watch

[yeungmaisu.livejournal.com]

This is just too funny, A. I haven't laughed so much in months. Both you and Kellie did a marvelous job in capturing the heat between Fraser and Ray as well as their neighbors' response to it. I loved it, hon.

Re: Neighborhood Watch

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

Thanks very much! I'm really glad you liked it. We had a lot of fun talking about the idea. :)

[halimede.livejournal.com]

So funny! And I think I remember Muriel...

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

Hee! I think I might *BE* Muriel. :)

(Only in my dreams, though.)

Thanks!

[bethbethbeth.livejournal.com]

Those two are. . . well, let's just say I think we ought to hold this week's bridge game in our bedroom."

Hee! I'll tell you, if I lived in that neighborhood, I'd be "interested in surveillance" too. Very cute, you guys!

[(Anonymous)]

Like Anne said-- who wouldn't? ;-D

--Kellie

[lamardeuse.livejournal.com]

Oh, this was *wonderful*. I heff such a grin on my face, you vouldn't believe!

lamardeuse
channelling her inner yenta

[(Anonymous)]

LOL! Vhat an appropriate accent! ;-D

--Kellie

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

Bweeee! That was fun!

Nice job, you two. Started my day off right.

[(Anonymous)]

Thanks! Always happy to make someone's day a little brighter. :)

--Kellie

[twistedchick]

::trying to imagine the shape of the back yards that would let so many people see::

Loved it, especially the ending.

[(Anonymous)]

In my mind's eye, the street behind Ray & Fraser's house is a cul-de-sac on a slight incline, so that their house is 'downhill' from the others behind it. That makes their yard and the back of the house visible from a good number of houses in the area. ;-D

--Kellie

[beledibabe.livejournal.com]

LOL! Oh, my, this is great! ::wiping tears from eyes:: Yeah, I could see this. Hell, I *wish* I could see this. The part with Ray and Fraser, of course, not the ladies. 'Cause I'd be bringing my own binoculars, as well as a camera with a telephoto lens and...

Okay, okay. Maybe not.

[(Anonymous)]

Hey-- sounds good to me!

I want copies.

--Kellie

[tobyfan.livejournal.com]

Completely hilarious! I laughed all the way through this one. I want to live in this neighborhood. Oh the images that played through my mind. *eg*

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much! I'm glad you laughed -- we really had a blast talking about it.

And I'd like to live there too. Especially in the pre-curtain days. :)

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! Kellie gets credit for that line. It was a fun idea to play with. :)

Your mom sounds like a riot! Too bad she never had a Fraser and Ray to ogle. *G*

[brooklinegirl.livejournal.com]

This was *wonderful*! I have such admiration for you, having a mind that works like this. Lovely!

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

:::blush::: Thank you! We had a lot of fun thinking about the idea -- the ladies are basically *us* in a few years. *G*

And remember, it took *two* silly minds, working together. :)

[tinriddick.livejournal.com]

Ha! That is so wrong ;) in such a good way. Excellent take on the challenge and a Wonderfull story. (still grinning at the thought of blue haired covert ops)

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

You are so kind! Thank you, and I'm glad you liked it.

blue haired covert ops

Hee! That would have been a great title, too.

[ajinamoto.livejournal.com]

Whew, these ladies certainly are organized and efficient, aren't they? At least you know their neighborhood is safe.

Loved this. Loved the voices and I loved how Ray busted Muriel.

Surprised at the tolerance, though.

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it. We had a lot of fun talking about it.

Surprised at the tolerance, though.

You mean the women being tolerant of two gay guys? I think there's a lot of that around, even though people (especially older people) don't talk about it. And then, it's a fantasy story. Our fantasy. *G*

(In more ways than one. Can you say "Muriel Sue"? *G*)

[kist.livejournal.com]

>"Yeah. We thought we'd try to get a neighborhood watch organized, since everyone seems to be pretty interested in surveillance around here."<

*giggling madly* This is great, with the funny and the weird. I've been reduced to psychotic giggling fits. Also, not only was this entirely appropriate for the current challenge, but it would've worked for the curtain challenge and the voyeur challenge too! Thanks for cheering me up immensely this dreary Thursday.

[(Anonymous)]

Again, cheering someone up makes us happy. :-)

--Kellie

[akite.livejournal.com]

I'm glad I waited until everyone else was gone to lunch to go on line today. That way I could giggle and not have anyone looking at me funny. I'll still get strange looks for this grin I have plastered on my face though. Thanks!

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

Hee! I'm so glad you enjoyed it! We giggled a lot, too, when we first talked about the idea with Bluster. And it was fun to write. :)

[duesouthficrecs.livejournal.com]

*giggles madly*

When I lived in Ottawa, I once got a frantic call from a friend: "Get over here NOW. My new neighbour is a Mountie, he doesn't have curtains yet, he has a hot body, and he's changing."

Thanks for conjuring up that lovely memory. :-)

[(Anonymous)]

Ooh, lucky you. I'm surprised you moved out of THAT neighborhood. ;-D

--Kellie

[murielperun.livejournal.com]

Heh, that's very funny, and it could have fit the curtain challenge, too. ;-)

By the way, I do make a mean iced tea!

Muriel

[(Anonymous)]

And you're smart enough to use it. ;-D

--Kellie

[persian-slipper.livejournal.com]

Grin. And grin. And grin.

The original characters were just damnned good. I wish I knew little old ladies like that!

[(Anonymous)]

You probably do. ;-D

--Kellie

[everlastingwhy.livejournal.com]

I put my head down on the desk and howled. Brilliant!

"They're only using one bedroom. You know how their house is the same plan as ours except reversed on the lot, and the master bedroom is in the back and it faces ours? They don't have curtains up yet."

"Muriel! You didn't!"

"I did," she said smugly. "Not only are we back-door neighbors, but they are too."

sdak;jfsaj;lkfjas;lkfja;slkdj

[(Anonymous)]

Heh. Speechless? I'm so flattered.

--Kellie

Loved it!

[ozsaur.livejournal.com]

You two did a wonderful job on this challenge. This reminds me of a couple of neighborhoods I've lived in. Very real and very funny.

Re: Loved it!

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

Hee! Thank you, hon. I've been lucky about my neighborhoods -- never anywhere this nosy. But on the other hand, I've never had Ray and Fraser living next door. I would turn into Muriel in a second. :)

We had fun playing with the idea.

[cdeacon.livejournal.com]

This IS my neighborhood, you guys. What a great story! I shouldn't have read it in the computer lab at school as everyone is staring at me now.

[(Anonymous)]

Thanks!

Now you just need to get a couple of cute gay guys to move in behind you...

--Kellie

[rubyrosered.livejournal.com]

LOL Just too funny! It was enough that they were so intent on watching, and I have no doubt that I'd be right there with them watching, but when they got caught I really lost it.

[(Anonymous)]

Thank you kindly! We figured the guys were too sharp not to notice. ;-D

--Kellie