a different style for me. . .

[doll-revolution.livejournal.com]

inspired by the_star_fish's latest. i'd say 'enjoy', but. . .



The phone rang.

The shrill tone cut through the humidity of the late Florida afternoon, and everyone froze. The cards fell from Frannie’s suddenly numb fingers. Ma bit her lip, closed her eyes, and recited the Hail Mary, her suddenly dry lips moving silently. Maria reached out and grabbed Tony’s hand so hard her knuckles whitened.

The phone rang.

Frannie turned wide eyes towards Ma, who was rocking slightly in her chair as she continued praying. Frannie slowly turned her head toward the phone. It didn’t mean anything, it didn’t have to mean anything; it could be a telemarketer, anyone.

The phone rang.

Maria moaned and buried her face in Tony’s neck, and suddenly Frannie was angry. Why had she agreed to come here? ‘Florida was safer’, ha! Waiting and worrying was always worse than knowing. She’d rather be in Chicago and shot by that bitch and know than stuck out here in Florida, waiting, waiting.

The phone rang.

Frannie reached toward the phone. It would be Ray, and everything would be fine, he and Fraser would be fine, and Ray would joke and laugh and tell them it was time to come home. . .her hand stopped moving. What if it wasn’t? What if it was Welsh, calling to say. . .to tell them. . .

The phone rang.

Frannie suddenly lunged for it, biting her lip until it bled. “Hello? Ray! Oh, thank God, Ray! Ray? Ray? Oh God, oh God, oh my God. . .”

Frannie dropped the phone.



252 words

Comments

[mergatrude.livejournal.com]

I'd say I enjoyed it, but ...

No, I did really, in that angsty, masochistic way.

[doll-revolution.livejournal.com]

No, I did really, in that angsty, masochistic way.

thar's exactly how i felt while writing it! ^__^

[halimede.livejournal.com]

Ooh! I like this. It really must have been hell for them. :)

[doll-revolution.livejournal.com]

yeah, it would have sucked, big time. (IMHO)

[lamardeuse.livejournal.com]

Oh, I loved the way you used that line "the phone rang" to heighten the tension. How do you guys do these short ones so well? Great stuff.

[doll-revolution.livejournal.com]

i'll let you in on a little secret: all i can do is the small stuff. i completely fall apart writing big ol' things. i wrote a huge TS AU for the zine SOW:3, and it's been virtually impossible for me to write TS since. :(

OH: and i LOVED your TAT AU!!! do you really think i would stay up til 3:30 with something i hated??

[dsudis.livejournal.com]

Ohh, this made my heart hurt - family and fear and waiting and Ma praying at the edge of my hearing... Oh yeah.

[doll-revolution.livejournal.com]

yeah, i can just see them: cooking and playing canasta and pretending everything is fine, but so, so afraid every time the phone rings.

bleck. i would not have wanted to be there.

[imkalena.livejournal.com]

Ow, jeez! I'm glad you don't do this all the time. :(

[doll-revolution.livejournal.com]

well, remember, you said i should do more angst. . .

[imkalena.livejournal.com]

Not me, baby. Guess your memory isn't that good.:) I want you to write happyhappy Due South.

[murielperun.livejournal.com]

Angst is good. But. It. Hurts.

[doll-revolution.livejournal.com]

but's it's okay! because we know that everything turned out all right. (eventually)