I could have sworn she said, "Sheep"

[helvirago]

Fluff, but I got really pouty about missing last week's challenge, even if I did have a good excuse. 909 words, I think. But it's maybe PG. I really need to get my touch back.

Dedicated to the person who most recently reminded me of the concept of making out like teenagers.



"Yeah?"

"Ray?"

"Fraser? Where are you?"

"I've just gotten to the Consulate, Ray."

"What?"

"I said I've just arrived at the Consulate! This connection isn't very good, is it?"

"Nah, I dropped the phone on the street outside the shoe store."

"I'm sorry, you dropped it and now you're too sore?"

"No, I... forget it. Look, did you get my message?"

"Yes, Ray, I did. I do think perhaps this discussion would better have been held outside of working hours. As it is, I'm afraid Turnbull is listening outside the door."

"Turnbull? What's he doing there?"

"Well, he took the message, of course, Ray."

"What? I gave the message to Frannie."

"Oh. Oh, that's rather... indiscreet, don't you think?"

"What?"

"I'm just not sure that leaving the message with Francesca was necessarily wise, Ray."

"Mice? What are you -- look, never mind. You got the message, right?"

"Yes, Ray, I did. I must say, I'm finding this a little abrupt -- "

"Look, I don't have time to be all hearts and flowers, okay? I need you here!"

"Ah. Well. I... I didn't realize that the request was so... that is to say, I thought perhaps it was more general than specific to me."

"What, you thought I was gonna ask the entire Consulate? I think that might tip 'em off, Frase."

"Well. I. You could give me a little time, perhaps, Ray, there are... rather a lot of implications to my taking such a sudden step, and I should like to--"

"Fraser, come on! I know the Ice Queen doesn't like to let you out of her sight, but this is important here. Are you my partner or what?"

"Well... Yes, Ray. Yes. I am. I... am."

"Okay. So we on the same page here?"

"Yes, Ray. Yes, I believe we are. I must say, I didn't... I never expected you to... I'm a little overwhelmed."

"Frase?"

"It seems rather silly now to think that I've been guarding my actions so carefully. I thought it was impossible that you should return my feelings. Particularly given your marriage, and the romances I have witnessed. I suppose I should have paid more attention to the subtler signs, but that has always been somewhat of a blind spot of mine, never being able to believe that a romantic interest might be returned. I... I confess that my experience with men is not great, but I think we can make our way together. As partners, as you say. I assume given your identification that you have, well, some experience with men?"

...

"Ray?"

...

"Ray?

...

"Oh dear. I -- I've misunderstood. I... Ray, I can only offer my most abject apologies, and assure you that this will never--"

"--Fraser. Shut up."

"Understood, Ray. Goodbye."

"No! Don't hang up, Fraser, just stop talking for a minute. Okay, I don't know what the hell's going on here, but yeah, I do have some experience with men, and if you're saying what I think you're saying, then I don't knowwho came up with the question but the answer is hell yeah, okay? So quit it with the apologizing already, or I'll make you wait for the third date before I put out."

"..."

"Okay?"

"Yes, Ray."

"Good. Great. Greatness. That's -- oh shoot. Uh, Fraser, when this day's over I'd like to take you back to my place and make out like teenagers, okay?"

"...Yes, Ray."

"Good. But first, could you get over here to Farver's Shoes on East Bay Street like I asked Frannie to ask you?"

"..."

"Frase? Hello, Fraser? Are you there?"

"Yes, Ray, I'm right here. I'll be there as quickly as possible. I just need to have a word with Constable Turnbull before I go."

"Okay, whatever. I'll hold off the bust till you get here then. Hey."

"Yes?"

"I, uh... I'll see ya."

"Yes, Ray. You will. Goodbye."

"Bye, Frase."




"Welcome to the Canadian Consulate! Bienvenue--"

"Turnbull, the switchboard indicates when a call is coming from an inside line."

"Ah, I see! My apologies, Constable Fraser. How may I help you?"

"Well, it's about this... message that you took."

"Yes sir. The Inspector wonders if we could use thistles in the boutonnieres for--"

"No, Turnbull. The message about Detective Vecchio."

"Ah. Yes. Have you spoken to him yet?"

"Yes, just now."

"How? Well, I assume... well, sir, generally one begins to notice that one is having certain... feelings which-- "

"Turnbull."

"Yes?"

"Who called with the message?"

"I'm afraid I'm unfamiliar with the young lady, sir. She informed me that Detective Dewey had asked her to call on behalf of Lieutenant Welsh, who had promised to pass along the message provided Francesca would 'go put some more clothes on already.' In all confidence, sir, I find it terribly romantic."

"Turnbull, how's your hearing?"

"Earrings would be out of uniform, sir."

"Yes. Is it possible that the message might have been something other than... let me get your exact wording... 'Ray wants to know if it bothers you that he's gay'?"

"Well... I don't... "

"Turnbull, just think. Is it possible?"

"To be honest, sir, I did think at first that the young lady had said 'fathers' rather than 'bothers'."

"Ah."

"And... well, I suppose the last word might have been 'gray', but that wouldn't make any sense, would it?"

"No, Turnbull, it certainly wouldn't. Thank you, Turnbull."

"Have a good day, sir!"

Comments

[bethbethbeth.livejournal.com]

Telephones and the game of telephone all in one bitesize little package. Very groovy.

And this?

"Turnbull, how's your hearing?"
"Earrings would be out of uniform, sir."

hee.

[helvirago]

I'm just a little embarrassed because it was far too easy to write once I got going. But I made myself chuckle a little, so I figured I'd go ahead and post it.

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

Bwahahahahaha! Excellent work, *really* not fluff. Delightful!

[helvirago]

You know my favorite thing about it? Not having to come up with fifteen synonyms for "he said". Thank you!

[katyabaturinsky.livejournal.com]

Excellent -- howlingly funny and yet heartfelt. I loved Fraser cutting loose with such an eloquent outpouring of emotion only to be met with stunned silence; thank heavens that Ray, always a fast thinker, doesn't leave him hanging for long. Great job with both of their voices, as always. I particularly enjoyed Ray's So quit it with the apologizing already, or I'll make you wait for the third date before I put out. Heh.

[helvirago]

Man, you're awful nice! You're giving Shay some competition there. I have this total picture in my head of Ray's reaction, which is somewhat along the lines of Jack O'Neill's "Is that voice coming out of this phone?" on the SG1 finale. It's 'raise eyebrows, take phone away from ear, look at phone, beat, realize luck...'

You want to know how silly and pedantic I am? I sat around figuring out how the message mutated. Nothing better to do on a Saturday night. So I'm awful glad you like it!

[halimede.livejournal.com]

Cute story. But now I'm curious:

I sat around figuring out how the message mutated.

So how did it, then?

[helvirago]

Well, I didn't go into terribly much detail, but I needed to come up with two sentences which at least I could believe were similar enough. It was something like "Tell Fraser to meet me at Farver Shoes on East Bay" to "Ray wants to know if Fraser's father's shoe's in the bay" to... well, from there on it was easier. The hard thing was that I didn't know what the final sentence was going to be!

[helvirago]

I think he has a small case into which he places his diamond stud before putting on his uniform every morning.

As opposed to his diamond-hard stud, whom he probably places in bed with strict instructions not to go anywhere.

Squee! I never make people snort! Thank you!

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

This was lots of fun, and there was a genuine heart to it too. I felt sad for Fraser pouring his heart out and then hearing nothing but silence, but it's hysterical to imagine Ray staring at the phone going "wha--?"

Excellent job!

[helvirago]

Oh I know, that nearly broke my own heart! God, poor Fraser... Is it weird that I think things like, "Thank goodness Ray reacted fast," when I wrote it?

Thank you!

[helvirago]

Thank you. Funny doesn't exactly come naturally, so it's nice when it works.

[lamardeuse.livejournal.com]

that has always been somewhat of a blind spot of mine, never being able to believe that a romantic interest might be returned

And in the midst of what is a very funny story, fabulous insights like this one. Nice!

[helvirago]

Well, it's certainly my blind spot! And poor Fraser... he's got weird valleys in his self-esteem. I guess they go along with the bizarre hills.

Thank you! Both for the "funny" and for the "insight"!

[beledibabe.livejournal.com]

Baaaaaaaa!

Oh, dear, I'm wiping the tears from my eyes while trying to type -- I don't recommend it. ::hooting softly::

Brilliant! And totally believeable, especially Turnbull's "In all confidence, sir, I find it terribly romantic." Love the way the message morphed, and the continued miscommunications during the phone call.

Heh. The universe is blindly conspiring to get those two together... and you helped. ;>

[helvirago]

Thank you! Yeah, the easiest part of it was visualizing Turnbull's little confidential lowering of his voice as he said that. He really is a great big romantic.

[rubyrosered.livejournal.com]

LOL I love how everything got so twisted up. Normally misunderstandings like this really make me squirm, but you balanced the tension and the understanding just perfectly.

[helvirago]

(Ran a little behind...) Yeah, I too have very little patience for wacky misunderstanding hijinks, because I tend to feel very very bad for the person deceived, but I figured... well, Fraser only really had the one paragraph to be trepidatious about, and I only let him hang for about ten seconds.

Glad it worked.

[dsudis.livejournal.com]

Ohh, lovely. Way to use telephones and telephone to tie everybody up in knots - but only the good kind. I loved the way Ray and Fraser each got to have their silences, and the whole last part with Turnbull was just hysterical.

[helvirago]

Woo! Good, I was a little nervous about the Turnbull bit. Thank you!

[murielperun.livejournal.com]

Very funny!

I had a good time imagining Fraser thinking about what to say to Ray when he called--choosing his words very carefully! :-)

[helvirago]

Thank you. It's really nice to hear that people thought it was funny -- it's so hard to tell from the inside!

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

I love you. And it is just wrong wrong wrong that you don't write more. I'm so glad this challenge is dragging fic out of you! I loved this SO MUCH. Brilliantly done and very very funny.

[helvirago]

Good thing my icon's black and white so you can't see me blushing.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

This is funny as hell, but right in the middle, Fraser's little speech is quite touching, too, and that makes the whole piece very rich. Good job!

[helvirago]

Cool. I always feel very awkward writing anything very long for Fraser. Thank you!