ds_flashfiction | "Green Orbs" | 3rd Intentional Bad!Fic Challenge

Title: Green Orbs
Prompt: green orbs
Prompted by:

love_jackianto1
Rating/Warnings/etc: beta by

uisgich, Teen, ~500 words, science puns (probably funny only to me)

“Ray!” Frannie shouts across the produce department at Meijer’s.

Ray rolls his beautiful green eyes as people turn to stare. “What?!”

She’s holding two fruits in her hands. “These avocados are the exact same shade as your eyes!”

Now people are looking back and forth between Ray and the fruit.

“She’s not wrong, dear,” an elderly lady tells him.

Deciding the whole conversation is too public for his tastes, Ray walks over to his sister, who is reflectively squeezing the fruit.

“Not quite ripe enough,” she says. “Soon, though.”

“Whatever, Frannie.”

Later, he and Benny meet up at the Atlantis Gentlemen’s Club to talk a potential informant regarding black market shipments of rare green Argiope catenulate from New Brunswick. Spider venom is the new aphrodisiac in some very weird circles of the Windy City.

One of the girls is entirely covered in green body paint. Ray watches her undulate appreciatively.

“Nice,” Ray exclaims. “No one told me it was Star Trek night.”

“Yes, indeed, Ray,” Benny agrees. “Her mammary glands are quite impressive. Round and juicy. Ripe. Just like your eyes.”

Ray shudders. “Never say that again.”

Then he’s in his bedroom, undressing for bed. A shadow moves in the corner, and Ray dives for his gun, but it turns out to be the green girl from the club.

“How did you get in here?” Rays asks.

“I saw you watching me,” she answers, which isn’t an answer at all, but she’s walking towards him, wearing the same amount of clothes as she was at the club, that is to say – none, and Ray is having a hard time concentrating.

“Uhm,” Ray says.

“You have beautiful green eyes,” she continues. “So ripe.”

He backs towards the bed, and she follows, leaning over him. Her pretty features melt away, leaving rows upon rows of eyes, and dripping fangs.

“Delicious,” she hisses.

Ray screams, and pushes her away.

The scream echoes in his head and he sits bolt up in his bed.

The light from the street lamp on the corner shines through a break in the curtains. Ray looks around carefully, but can see no green spider ladies.

“Just a dream,” he mumbles.

“Correct, Ray,” Benny says, walking into the room, without opening the door. He’s holding a bowl in his hands. “May I offer you some guacamole? The avocados are perfectly ripe.”

He flickers his forked tongue in Ray’s direction.

“NO!” Ray screeches, lunging out of his bed to get away from his partner.

He tumbles to the floor in a tangle of blankets. Both Benny and the alien woman are nowhere in sight.

Ray turns on every light in his room and paces the floor. “Not gonna sleep, not gonna sleep.”

He walks the perimeter of his room the rest of the night, never noticing the glowing green orbs perched in the branches of the tree outside his window.

When the sun finally rises, Ray decides he’s safe.

“Don’t eat spicy right before bed,” he mutters to himself, as he gets dressed.

Outside, the growing yellow light washes out green until it finally disappears.