an epistolary, of sorts

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

Slightly over the word count, and I suppose it's questionable whether e-mail counts as a document, but hey. Many thanks to carlacoupe and to flambeau for the beta.

Hanging


To: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
From: skowalski@pd.chi.il.us
Date: June 13, 1998
Time: 01:17:26

Fraser,

What the hell was that about?

Are you okay? It's not like you to leave that fast.

What's going on?

-R



To: skowalski@pd.chi.il.us
From: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
Date: 13 June, 1998
Time: 01:22:34

Ray,

I appreciate your concern. Everything is perfectly fine. My apologies for any inconvenience my departure may have caused you.

I'll see you Monday.

- BF



To: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
From: skowalski@pd.chi.il.us
Date: June 13, 1998
Time: 01:31:24

Maybe you didn't notice, but I didn't ask how "everything" was.

Inconvenience my ass. I'm just worried I said something to upset you?

- R



To: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
From: skowalski@pd.chi.il.us
Date: June 13, 1998
Time: 01:45:52

Fraser? Did you get my last email?

I'd call, but I'd wake the whole Consulate. Plus probably nothing's wrong, maybe you shut off your computer and went to sleep, but for some reason I'm thinking that's not it.

Are you okay?

- R



To: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
From: rvecchio@pd.chi.il.us
Date: June 13, 1998
Time: 02:01:03

Maybe my Kowalski account isn't working right. I'll use this one. I'm supposed to anyway, it's just a pain in the ass to get into it from home.

Are you getting my messages? What is going on? *Are you okay*?

- R



To: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
From: rvecchio@pd.chi.il.us
Date: June 13, 1998
Time: 02:10:42

Okay, I'm coming over there to check on you.



To: skowalski@pd.chi.il.us, rvecchio@pd.chi.il.us
From: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
Date: 13 June, 1998
Time: 02:11:07

Ray, please, don't. I appreciate your concern, but your coming here would be counterproductive.

- BF



To: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
From: skowalski@pd.chi.il.us
Date: June 13, 1998
Time: 02:12:33

Ha! I knew you were awake.

Fraser, seriously. Tell me what it is. I don't know what's freaking you out, but it's bound to look worse because you're alone. Believe me, I know all about the two-in-the-morning-alone screaming meemies.

Please? It's not like you to act like this.

- R



To: skowalski@pd.chi.il.us
From: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
Date: 13 June, 1998
Time: 02:15:02

> Please? It's not like you to act like this.

That's the second time you've said as much, Ray, and that's precisely my concern: I'm not convinced you know what you're talking about.

How do you know what's "like me"? What if you're wrong? What if I'm crazy, or completely different from the person you think you know?

It isn't that simple.

- BF



To: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
From: skowalski@pd.chi.il.us
Date: June 13, 1998
Time: 02:20:01

You're not crazy. Not in the bad way, anyway. Trust me on that.

And think about who you're talking to. If anybody in the world knows what it's like to be one guy on the outside, another guy on the inside, that would be me.

Besides. Maybe I'm more than you know about, too. Being Vecchio and Kowalski ain't the half of it.

Now I sound like one of those Russian doll thingies. (Bet that made you laugh. See? I know you better than you think.)

So what's inside the shell?

- R



To: skowalski@pd.chi.il.us
From: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
Date: 13 June, 1998
Time: 02:26:02

They're called Matryoshka dolls. And yes, you did make me chuckle. Thank you.

Regarding my own shell...

What would you say if I told you my inclinations may not lie along the axis you've undoubtedly assumed? That what sent me from your apartment was your query about whether I imagined myself marrying? No doubt you've heard about my unhappy liaison with Victoria Metcalfe, but I never had time to fantasize a life with her. Our time together was too short, and too whirlwind; to this day I cannot imagine achieving the kind of easy, familiar comfort with her that a marriage would require. Would, indeed, depend on.

The answer to your question, however belated, is a kind of yes. I have imagined, from time to time, sharing my path with someone in committed companionship. But I doubt that marriage will ever be a possibility for me.

Am I being too oblique?

- BF



To: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
From: skowalski@pd.chi.il.us
Date: June 13, 1998
Time: 02:29:04

> What would you say if I told you my inclinations may not lie along the axis you've undoubtedly assumed?

Me too.

- R



To: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
From: skowalski@pd.chi.il.us
Date: June 13, 1998
Time: 02:29:47

> Am I being too oblique?

Not unless I'm reading you wrong, in which case I'm going to feel pretty stupid.

- R



To: skowalski@pd.chi.il.us
From: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
Date: 13 June, 1998
Time: 02:34:20

>> What would you say if I told you my inclinations may not lie along the axis you've undoubtedly assumed?

> Me too.

Ray, what are you saying?

Perhaps I should volley your question back to you. Have you ever imagined yourself marrying again?

- BF



To: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
From: skowalski@pd.chi.il.us
Date: June 13, 1998
Time: 02:41:46

> Have you ever imagined yourself marrying again?

Yes.

> Ray, what are you saying?

You go for blonds?

- R



To: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
From: skowalski@pd.chi.il.us
Date: June 13, 1998
Time: 02:50:04

Damn it, Fraser, now is not the time to get cagey. I just laid everything on the line. If I misunderstood, or I'm not your type, fine, but you gotta say so.

Like, now. Before I have a coronary.

- R



To: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
From: skowalski@pd.chi.il.us
Date: June 13, 1998
Time: 02:54:47

Damn it. How did I fuck this up?

I thought I had you figured out. I thought I knew what you were saying. I thought you couldn't say it, you needed me to push a little.

You're not answering your email. So I'm guessing I thought wrong.

Fraser, I'm so sorry. Please write back.

- R



To: rvecchio@pd.chi.il.us
From: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
Date: 15 June, 1998
Time: 09:03:37

Dear Ray,

I just checked email again and, of course, found your queue of unanswered messages. Again, my sincerest apologies for leaving you hanging.

I would have assuaged your fears sooner, but even in this unsleeping city it takes some time to track down a taxicab at that hour, and of course there was the travel time to your apartment. You know this already, but it seemed only proper to reply to your e-mail in kind.

Your suggestion that the travel time could be effectively erased were I to make a habit of staying over is an intriguing one. Perhaps we should try it, to ensure the arrangement is mutually satisfactory?

As you say, practice can only make perfect.

Though, truth be told, I thought the weekend was quite close, even without the practice. Yet.

Yours,

- BF

(1073 words)

Comments

[lmondegreen.livejournal.com]

I love e-mail stories; this was wonderful!

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I think I was inspired, at least subconciously, by one of my alltime favorite Sentinel stories which has marvelous email in it.

Oh God. I can't remember who wrote it. And I'm at work and really shouldn't surf 852 Prospect to find out.

I'm so embarrassed. Surely someone here can ID it for me? It's the epistolary one. Which begins, fairly clearly, after a kiss that surprised them both. And they're emailing back and forth, and Blair writes, "How long?" and then "Visualize the rude hand gesture of your choice, man," and when Jim gets home from work there's a note from Blair that says "Don't panic!!!," and eventually a post-it note, and they end up in bed with the day-glo edible body paint...?

I cannot believe I can remember neither the title nor the author of this story. I've practically memorized it. I may have literally memorized it. My brain is going. Somebody, help?

Anyway -- my point was going to be, I love epistolary stories, too, so this is my small homage to the genre. :-)

[dsudis.livejournal.com]

Found it! Eros Epistolary (http://www.squidge.org/archive/archive/firsts2/erosepistolary.html) by Brighid. I ended up googling 'blair jim rude hand gesture' and it popped right up.

Yay!!!

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I was pretty sure it was Brighid's, but I wasn't positive, and of course I was blanking on the title.

I might have to go reread that now, just because I love it so much. :-)

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

Eeeeeee!

::claps hands excitedly::

So good. Really, truly.

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

Thank you kindly! So glad you enjoyed.

[beledibabe.livejournal.com]

::mwah!!::

(Not talking 'cause it makes me cough. Don't worry, I'm wearing a surgical mask -- not contagious.)

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

::mwah:: right back atcha!

And go drink more hot tea with lemon and honey. (Whiskey and honey make a good alternate possibility, but possibly less ideal for morning-time... :-)

[brooklinegirl.livejournal.com]

I love it. Simply love it. Again, one of those, "Grr, why doesn't *my* mind work that way??" sort of stories. I love the two of them dancing around the topic, and Ray thinking he stepped over the line. Late-night worrisome emails...such fun to peek in on. I

I loved this:
Damn it, Fraser, now is not the time to get cagey. I just laid everything on the line. If I misunderstood, or I'm not your type, fine, but you gotta say so.

Like, now. Before I have a coronary.

And the "you go for blonds?" line. Lovely!

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

Many thanks! I'm so glad you enjoyed.

[akite.livejournal.com]

How come I never have e-mail conversations like that?
;) I loved the Russian doll reference, and that it made Fraser laugh. Wonderful story.

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

So glad you enjoyed!

Sadly, my email never conversations never seem to go quite this way, either. Ah, well. :-)

[jenboo.livejournal.com]

*applause*

I really loved this because it showed their personalities not only in the text of the messages, but also in the frequency of the e-mails. Obviously Ray is one of those people who looks as soon as they hear they have an e-mail, whereas Fraser checks on some sort of schedule, which is a better use of ones time. *g*

Very nicely done!

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

Thank you kindly! I actually did try to make the timing of the messages make sense; I initially had Fraser responding to the "Okay, I'm coming over there now" email within four seconds, but flambeau convinced me that not even Fraser can effect a four-second message turnaround time... *g*

[dsudis.livejournal.com]

Oh, this was *great*. I love epistolaries, and, hey, email becomes a document for sure when one or both of you prints 'em all out and saves them for posterity, so... ;)

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

I'm awfully fond of epistolaries, myself. I initially thought about writing a story in proper paper letters, and I can totally see Fraser being a good snailmail correspondent -- but I couldn't see Kowalski having the patience for it, plus it would have required me to posit them apart for some length of time, and I decided to take the easy way out. *g* Glad you enjoyed!

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Great and succinct and so totally them and ::sigh:: funny. I love the spareness (is that a word?) of the messages, and particularly love how Benton is who he is even in print.

And the fact that he answers Ray's emails long after they've spent time together having hot monkey sex (I should hope) is just perfect, perfect.

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

Oh, absolutely, they spent all weekend in bed, I'm convinced of it. With possible breaks now and then for sleep and food. *g*

So glad you enjoyed; thank you kindly!

[bethbethbeth.livejournal.com]

Really lovely. My favorite email message is 2:26, where Fraser realizes he *has* to say something, and immediately morphs into Thesaurus!Fraser. Poor baby.

I'm *so* glad Ray is pushy...and that Fraser, although a little slow on the uptake, knows when to take action.

-Beth

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

Hee! I'm glad you got a chuckle out of Thesaurus!Fraser. I had fun writing him that way. Thanks for the kind words.

Dazzling icon you've got there, btw.

[bethbethbeth.livejournal.com]

Dazzling icon you've got there, btw.

:)

Icon picture by kikala, words by rowanfairchild, and I'm just being dragged along on its pretty coattails. *g*

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

Thank you kindly! So glad you enjoyed.

I'm amused by Fraser's ultimate email, too. :-)

[maubast.livejournal.com]

As always, just a beautiful piece of work. You've always got their voices down perfect.

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

Thank you kindly! What a lovely thing for you to say.

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

Thank you kindly!

[amadyce.livejournal.com]

Waaahhh! Sniff. That was so sweet. Now I've got the warm fuzzies all over. Muchas gracias.

How did I fuck this up?...I thought I knew what you were saying. I thought you couldn't say it,

This is my favorite part. Ray realizes he could have have just made a total fool of himself, but he perserveres. Waahh! So, so sweet.

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

You're most welcome; and thank you for taking the time to point out what you liked.

[daemonluna.livejournal.com]

Just came across this via ds_flashback--loved it! I especially liked that knife-edge of tension in the oblique confessions back and forth. And the last email was the perfect conclusion.

heh

[iamtaramis.livejournal.com]

Y'know, Fraser sent that last email reply to Vecchio's email account - it could be quite fun to see what the RV would say should he still be able to look at his former email!

Wunnerful fic - thanks!