A bit more than a drabble...

[lmondegreen.livejournal.com]

It takes her a while to figure out just what they're doing, just sitting in the car in the driveway, lights off. Not even the radio on. Just Ray and him. She leans a little further out the window to take a closer look, wishing for the hundredth time that the little table was still there, that it hadn't gotten broken the last time Pop... The shadows in the car move together again, then through two open windows she hears a whispered, "Are you nuts? We can't do that here!"

The car doors finally open and Ray gets out, and he gets out and walks away. Ray stands there for a long time, just looking at their old car. Pop keeps promising they'll get a new one, soon. Maybe a Buick.

A few minutes later she's back in her bed, pretending to be asleep as she hears him pass down the hall. She thinks about what she saw, and what Pop would do to Ray if he knew what was going on. Ray says he's almost twenty, he can do whatever he wants. He never says that when Pop's around, though.

Frannie can't really understand it, anyway, what Ray sees in him. She's always liked Irene, but Frankie's just a jerk.

Comments

[lynnmonster.livejournal.com]

This was great. I really got a sense of immediacy about everything (which is an admirable accomplishment for something we *know* is set in the past). Nice Frannie POV, and fantastic clarifying last line.

Re:

[lmondegreen.livejournal.com]

Thank you kindly :-)

Re:

[lmondegreen.livejournal.com]

thanks :-)

yoinks...

[kormantic.livejournal.com]

That was unexpected. Cool! Every time I see those Olive Garden commercials, I'm like, Frank Zuko is pimping megaglom chain pasta!

Re: yoinks...

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

I actually know Jim Bracchitta and yet those ads still hit me exactly the same way. I'm glad he's working, but it's just....wrong.

Re: yoinks...

[kormantic.livejournal.com]

You know Frank Zuko!? So you know the truth: Ray and Zuko ex-lovers, or what? Hee.

Re: yoinks...

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Frank has made a suggestion I dare not refuse, so my lips are sealed.

Re: yoinks...

[lmondegreen.livejournal.com]

LOL I just saw him in a car commercial, too...

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

REALLY like this a bunch. And I particularly enjoyed having the scene presented through Frannie's eyes. She sees a lot, I expect.

Re:

[lmondegreen.livejournal.com]

A lot more than people give her credit for, I'm sure!

Thanks :-)

[beledibabe.livejournal.com]

Like Frannie, it took me a while to figure out what they were doing. Love the way the story gradually unfolded, that we were so inside Frannie's head, sharing her curiosity, the little tangents, and the reference to maybe getting a Buick.

The last, greatest revelation rocks! You handled it so well.

Re:

[lmondegreen.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm not sure exacly how much of an age difference there is between the two, but I'm sure Frannie saw quite a bit, growing up with Ray...

[murielperun.livejournal.com]

And Frannie kept Ray's secret from Pop. I like that, and I like stories that give hints of how Ray's past formed him.

Re:

[lmondegreen.livejournal.com]

And judging from what we've seen of dear old Pop, it can't have been a very fun past!

[mergatrude.livejournal.com]

I never thought that Ray and Frankie had THAT kind of a past - but you made me believe ....

Re: A bit more than a drabble...

[yeungmaisu.livejournal.com]

Whoa! This is wonderfully good, sweetie. And it makes perfect sense, given their heat and intensity, as well as the sense of history hinted at in JiB.

[imkalena.livejournal.com]

OOOOOOH! Very, very well done.:-)

Re:

[lmondegreen.livejournal.com]

Thanks!