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ds_flashfictioni missed the last challenge due to RL events, and then i was so busy writing this little talking heads piece that i missed the end of an ebay auction! oh, but my life is an endless tragedy! ::bg::
“You know, Ray, it only takes an extra—“
“You finish that sentence, Fraser, and so help me God I’ll find a way to damage you, I swear I will!”
“You see, Ray, that proves my very point.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yes, indeed. If you had politely requested that I stop speaking, then I would have quieted without feeling this sense of resentment.”
“Resentment? You want to talk about resentment? How about I resent the hell out of your ass, huh, how about that?”
“Oh, now that’s just silly, Ray.”
“Silly? Silly? In case it escaped your notice, Fraser, I am hanging from a fucking meat hook here! You, too!”
“Language, Ray.”
“Language, my ass! I am hanging from a meat hook! There is a meat hook through the back of my shirt! I am hanging twelve feet off a concrete floor from a meat hook!”
“Unlike Dief, there is nothing wrong with my hearing, Ray. You have no need to shout. And it is hardly my fault—“
“Oh, you’re right about that, Frase, it’s not hardly your fault, it’s entirely your fault! Who said ‘We’re young and fit; we can let that gentlemen have the taxi and we’ll walk’, huh? Who said that?”
“He was quite elde—“
And who was it that said ‘Pardon me, Miss, but would you mind if I carried some of those bags for you? They look quite heavy’, huh? It sure as hell wasn’t me!”
“Well, if you’re gone to take that tone, Ray—“
“And what person --and he was wearing Mountie red, so I’ll give you three guesses-- what person was it carried three grocery bags of cocaine into the warehouse and gave them to the fucking drug dealers? Ringing any bells here?”
“Ah. Well, in retrospect that was not perhaps the wisest—“
“Just shut up, Fraser, okay? I don’t want to hear courtesy or politeness or anything but ‘Yes, Ray; you’re so right, Ray’ coming out of your mouth.”
“Ray, that’s completely unreas—“
“Shut it, shut it, shut it!”
“Would the both of you just shut the fuck up?” Ray and Fraser looked down at the lone criminal left to guard them, his eyes squinched tight in pain.
He glared up at them. “I’ve got one bitch of a headache, and your constant jibber-jabber is not helping.”
Ray glared right back at him. “I hope it hurts like hell. I hope your head explodes and covers the room in your brains. I hope that—“
“Ray! Let me handle this!” Fraser hissed. He smiled down at the criminal. “Have you tried deep breathing? I’ve often found that extra oxygen to the brain is very effective against headaches.” Fraser paused for a moment, obviously thinking. “Along with a judicious application of acetaminophen, of course.”
The criminal covered his face with his hands and sighed deeply. After a moment, he dropped his hands and looked up at them. “If I let you go, will you two go away, and never, ever talk to me again?” he asked rather plaintively.
Fraser smiled brightly. “That would be very kind of you. Thank you so much.” Ray, blessedly, remained silent.
The criminal used the winch to lower Ray and Fraser to the floor. As soon as they had pulled free from the hooks, Ray walked over to the criminal and stuck out his hand.
“Thank you kindly,” Ray said, grinning. Then he punched the criminal in the throat with his left hand. As he leaned over the choking man, cuffing his arms behind him, Ray looked over his shoulder at Fraser and said, “Well, hey. Maybe there’s something to this courtesy thing after all.”
Fraser bit his tongue and didn’t say anything at all. Sometimes silence was the deepest form of courtesy.
630 words
“You know, Ray, it only takes an extra—“
“You finish that sentence, Fraser, and so help me God I’ll find a way to damage you, I swear I will!”
“You see, Ray, that proves my very point.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yes, indeed. If you had politely requested that I stop speaking, then I would have quieted without feeling this sense of resentment.”
“Resentment? You want to talk about resentment? How about I resent the hell out of your ass, huh, how about that?”
“Oh, now that’s just silly, Ray.”
“Silly? Silly? In case it escaped your notice, Fraser, I am hanging from a fucking meat hook here! You, too!”
“Language, Ray.”
“Language, my ass! I am hanging from a meat hook! There is a meat hook through the back of my shirt! I am hanging twelve feet off a concrete floor from a meat hook!”
“Unlike Dief, there is nothing wrong with my hearing, Ray. You have no need to shout. And it is hardly my fault—“
“Oh, you’re right about that, Frase, it’s not hardly your fault, it’s entirely your fault! Who said ‘We’re young and fit; we can let that gentlemen have the taxi and we’ll walk’, huh? Who said that?”
“He was quite elde—“
And who was it that said ‘Pardon me, Miss, but would you mind if I carried some of those bags for you? They look quite heavy’, huh? It sure as hell wasn’t me!”
“Well, if you’re gone to take that tone, Ray—“
“And what person --and he was wearing Mountie red, so I’ll give you three guesses-- what person was it carried three grocery bags of cocaine into the warehouse and gave them to the fucking drug dealers? Ringing any bells here?”
“Ah. Well, in retrospect that was not perhaps the wisest—“
“Just shut up, Fraser, okay? I don’t want to hear courtesy or politeness or anything but ‘Yes, Ray; you’re so right, Ray’ coming out of your mouth.”
“Ray, that’s completely unreas—“
“Shut it, shut it, shut it!”
“Would the both of you just shut the fuck up?” Ray and Fraser looked down at the lone criminal left to guard them, his eyes squinched tight in pain.
He glared up at them. “I’ve got one bitch of a headache, and your constant jibber-jabber is not helping.”
Ray glared right back at him. “I hope it hurts like hell. I hope your head explodes and covers the room in your brains. I hope that—“
“Ray! Let me handle this!” Fraser hissed. He smiled down at the criminal. “Have you tried deep breathing? I’ve often found that extra oxygen to the brain is very effective against headaches.” Fraser paused for a moment, obviously thinking. “Along with a judicious application of acetaminophen, of course.”
The criminal covered his face with his hands and sighed deeply. After a moment, he dropped his hands and looked up at them. “If I let you go, will you two go away, and never, ever talk to me again?” he asked rather plaintively.
Fraser smiled brightly. “That would be very kind of you. Thank you so much.” Ray, blessedly, remained silent.
The criminal used the winch to lower Ray and Fraser to the floor. As soon as they had pulled free from the hooks, Ray walked over to the criminal and stuck out his hand.
“Thank you kindly,” Ray said, grinning. Then he punched the criminal in the throat with his left hand. As he leaned over the choking man, cuffing his arms behind him, Ray looked over his shoulder at Fraser and said, “Well, hey. Maybe there’s something to this courtesy thing after all.”
Fraser bit his tongue and didn’t say anything at all. Sometimes silence was the deepest form of courtesy.
630 words
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Date: 2003-07-09 01:57 pm (UTC)I love the way they've already argued for several lines before we discover that they're hanging from meat hooks twelve feet up in the air. :-) Nice work!
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Date: 2003-07-09 02:00 pm (UTC)thanks! ^__^
BTW: looking at your icon suddenly makes me realize this is very similar to a TS piece i did a long time ago. hmmm. strealing from myself, now. very sad.
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Date: 2003-07-09 02:06 pm (UTC)after a while, you'd either let them go, become a missionary, or stab yourself in the eye with a fork.
stands to reason; only obvious options. :::snerk:::
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Date: 2003-07-09 02:29 pm (UTC)Sorry, but you reminded me of this (http://sequentialtart.com/art_0703_5.shtml) article in Sequential Tart, which amused me to no end.
As for Fraser, he once again defends his title as Most Annoying (and Courteous) Man in the World.
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Date: 2003-07-09 02:42 pm (UTC)and i totally, totally agree about the pants!
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Date: 2003-07-09 02:26 pm (UTC)Only Fraser could use courtesy to turn criminals to the Right, and only Ray could turn courtesy into a martial art.
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Date: 2003-07-09 02:29 pm (UTC)^__^
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Date: 2003-07-09 02:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-09 02:43 pm (UTC)now that i've finished it, though, i kind of wonder what dief was doing during all of this.
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Date: 2003-07-09 03:08 pm (UTC)Absolutely brilliant.
(psst you owe me an email!)
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Date: 2003-07-09 03:34 pm (UTC)yup, off with ante, or eating doughnuts, that's my guess! ^__^
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Date: 2003-07-09 03:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-09 03:56 pm (UTC)does no-one keep their icons anymore? whay happened to continuity? to tradition? to loyalty, for god's sake?!?!?!?
not that your new one's not fantastic!!
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Date: 2003-07-09 03:59 pm (UTC)[scowl]
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Date: 2003-07-09 06:26 pm (UTC)it just, i get used to someone having one set of icons, and them BOOM! they're all different!
it's not just you; it's everybody.
(i'm just the teensiest, tiniest, tad bit resistant to change. if you hadn't noticed.) ::snerk::
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Date: 2003-07-09 06:30 pm (UTC)This one... is one of my favourites.
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Date: 2003-07-09 03:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-09 03:36 pm (UTC)(mmmm, doughnuts! now i want one! damn your evil soul, akite! :::snerk:::
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Date: 2003-07-09 04:02 pm (UTC)Really funny. Really really funny and fabulous!
“Language, my ass! I am hanging from a meat hook! There is a meat hook through the back of my shirt! I am hanging twelve feet off a concrete floor from a meat hook!”
Boy are his armpits gonna be chafed. *snicker*
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Date: 2003-07-09 05:59 pm (UTC)Seriously, this was filled with great lines. I was grinnin' like a fool all the way through.
Now I gotta try to finish *mine* before the friggin' deadline...
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Date: 2003-07-09 06:32 pm (UTC)hurryhurryhurryHURRY!!!
(and thanks, btw. ^__^ )
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Date: 2003-07-09 06:31 pm (UTC)maybe that's why ray's so cranky though, huh?
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Date: 2003-07-09 06:59 pm (UTC)I just giggled my way through this lovely thing.
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Date: 2003-07-09 07:16 pm (UTC)thanks! ^__^
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Date: 2003-07-10 09:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-15 10:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-15 12:01 pm (UTC)Meat hooks indeed
Date: 2003-07-10 02:11 am (UTC)The Moo
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Date: 2003-07-10 04:07 am (UTC)and
“If I let you go, will you two go away, and never, ever talk to me again?” he asked rather plaintively.
and...just...all of it. *G*