ds_flashfiction | Shakespeare Challenge!

Something a little different:

KOWALSKI Come, come, thou art as hot a Jack in thy mood as any in Italy, and as soon moved to be moody, and as soon moody to be moved.
(Vecchio is pissed at him, and he doesn't know why.)

...

[Enter VECCHIO and others]

VECCHIO Follow me close, for I will speak to them. Gentlemen, good den: a word with one of you.

KOWALSKI And but one word with one of us? couple it with something; make it a word and a blow. (In other words, blow me, Vecchio.)

VECCHIO You shall find me apt enough to that, sir, an you will give me occasion. (The supply closet door locks.)

KOWALSKI Could you not take some occasion without giving? (Accusing Vecchio of being a selfish lover.)

VECCHIO Kowalski, thou consort'st with Fraser,-- (Vecchio is in a jealous rage, thinking that Kowalski is cheating on him with Benny.)

KOWALSKI Consort! what, dost thou make us minstrels? an thou make minstrels of us, look to hear nothing but discords: here's my fiddlestick; here's that shall make you dance. 'Zounds, consort! (Kowalski is pissed at the accusation.)

HUEY We talk here in the public haunt of men: Either withdraw unto some private place, And reason coldly of your grievances, Or else depart; here all eyes gaze on us.

KOWALSKI Men's eyes were made to look, and let them gaze; I will not budge for no man's pleasure, I. (Just because I slept with you, Vecchio, don't think you own me.)

[Enter FRASER]

VECCHIO Well, peace be with you, sir: here comes my man.

KOWALSKI But I'll be hanged, sir, if he wear your livery: Marry, go before to field, he'll be your follower; Your worship in that sense may call him 'man.' (You don't own Fraser, either.)

VECCHIO Fraser, the hate I bear thee can afford No better term than this,--thou art a villain.

FRASER Ray, the reason that I have to love thee doth much excuse the appertaining rage to such a greeting: villain am I none; therefore farewell; I see thou know'st me not.

VECCHIO Boy, this shall not excuse the injuries that thou hast done me; therefore turn and draw.

FRASER I do protest, I never injured thee, but love thee better than thou canst devise, till thou shalt know the reason of my love: and so, good Vecchio,--which name I tender as dearly as my own,--be satisfied. (Fraser just eloped with Frannie.)

KOWALSKI O calm, dishonourable, vile submission! Alla stoccata carries it away. [Draws] Vecchio, you rat-catcher, will you walk?

VECCHIO What wouldst thou have with me?

KOWALSKI Good king of cats, nothing but one of your nine lives; that I mean to make bold withal, and as you shall use me hereafter, drybeat the rest of the eight. Will you pluck your sword out of his pitcher by the ears? make haste, lest mine be about your ears ere it be out. (Kowalski trash-talking like always.)

VECCHIO I am for you. [Drawing]

FRASER Gentle Ray, put thy rapier up.

KOWALSKI Come, sir, your passado. [They fight]

FRASER Draw, Huey; beat down their weapons. Gentlemen, for shame, forbear this outrage! Ray, Ray, the lieutenant expressly hath forbidden bandying in the precinct: Hold, Ray! good Ray!

[VECCHIO under FRASER's arm stabs KOWALSKI, and flies with his followers]

KOWALSKI I am hurt. A plague o' both your houses! I am sped. Is he gone, and hath nothing?

HUEY What, art thou hurt?

KOWALSKI Ay, ay, a scratch, a scratch; marry, 'tis enough. Where is Dief? Go, villain, fetch a surgeon. [Exit Dief]

FRASER Courage, man; the hurt cannot be much. (Here Shakespeare edits out several stab-wound anecdotes.)

KOWALSKI No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church-door; but 'tis enough,'twill serve: ask for me to-morrow, and you shall find me a grave man. I am peppered, I warrant, for this world. A plague o' both your houses! 'Zounds, a dog, a rat, a mouse, a cat, to scratch a man to death! a braggart, a rogue, a villain, that fights by the book of arithmetic! Why the devil came you between us? I was hurt under your arm.

FRASER I thought all for the best. (And couldn't this just be Fraser's life motto?)