Five Minutes After

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

About 300 words, unbetaed and written at blinding speed.



FIVE MINUTES AFTER THE PLATFORM

Oh my God! Oh my God!
God!
No, no nononononono—
Oh my God, dead, he's—
What do I—
I have to, I've got to, I've got to—
Oh my God, what do I do? What—
Shut up. Just shut up!
Breathe. Breathe. Come on, breathe.
Again.
Again.
There.
There.
Okay.
Think, I have to, what do I, what should I—
Shut up. Inside. Go. Inside.
Toilet, find the—
Lock it. Lock, lock, lock.
Think, let me think.
Oh, Christ!
Breathe. No, don't you cry, you hear me? You hear me? Don't you fucking cry over him!
God.
But maybe he's not, he's not dead—
Stop it. Forget it. Forget him.
I look—Christ, my face.
Shit, don't I have a lipstick? Where the hell did I lose—oh, okay, good.
Good. Better. Eyeliner? No, damn it. Wait -- Okay, mascara, whatever, that'll do.
There. There. Good. You look good. Breathe.
Kill for a cigarette.
Huh. Don't have one fucking diamond left, and I want a fucking cigarette. Way to go, girl, way to fucking think about the fucking future.
Wait a minute. How much money do I have? Let me look—
Three hundred bucks, almost, okay, okay, good. That could take me to—
Shit, where the hell is this going, anyway?
Doesn't matter, doesn't matter.
Okay. Ready?
You look good.
Breathe.
Open the door.
Go find a seat. Find a seat.
Grandmother type on left, student, two rows up, window seat open on left—
No. Wait--
Single man, 50ish, three rows up on right…Businessman?
No wedding ring.
. . .
"Hello. Mind if I join you?"
. . .
"Well, hello, Charles Meredith. How nice to meet you."
. . .
"Victoria. Victoria…Fraser."

Comments

[beledibabe.livejournal.com]

Wow.

You are amazing.

And all in about 300 words.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Sometimes these challenges just go boiiiinnnng! and I write something quickly. Sometimes, that is, usually, they go splatttt.
Thanks, sweetie.

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

Woo-fuckin'-hoo, baby! That was great!!

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Thanks, darlin'!

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Thank you, jodie! Well, she is a villain, but a complex one, and like you, I hate it when characters are reduced to two dimensions. It's the same reason I dislike Stella-is-only-a-bitch stories.

[lamardeuse.livejournal.com]

For the first few lines I was sure this was Ray, and then I had the unpleasant shock of realizing I was in Victoria's head. You very accurately portray it as a cold, calculating place--the way she scopes out the passengers is chilling. Great stuff.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Whee! Glad you thought it was Ray (I was afraid that wouldn't work). Thanks so much for the comments.

[daughtershade.livejournal.com]

Why do we love Shay? This is why....

Wow Victoria. I too thought it was Ray at first and to realize it was her was great. And that last line... very nice.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Aw, thanks. Glad you enjoyed it.

[estrella30.livejournal.com]

Ho-ly SHIT.

I really, really, REALLY loved this. You had me for a minute in the beginning there thinking it was Ray (until the lipstick, lol. Then I was pretty certain it wasn't Ray) But this was unbelieveably wonderful. The whole thing rang very true and real in my head *sighs* Damn. Terrific job.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Yeah, lipstick and Ray -- well, that's another fic...Anyway, thank you so much. I'm pleased it rang true.

[akite.livejournal.com]

Holy, moley, Shay! I thought it was Ray too until she went to find the toilet. Then it sunk in. Wow!

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Yay. It's funny this challenge came up, because I always did wonder what happened to Victoria after the train pulled out. Thanks!

[(Anonymous)]

Very nice, very intense, very believable. I've always felt Victoria really did care about what happened to Fraser but she cared about herself more, and once she made the decision to stay on the train, she quickly slipped into self-preservation mode, thinking less and less about the man lying on the platform.

Melanie Mitchell wrote a story called "The Woman in Seat Thirty-Eight," her take on what happened in the aftermath of the shooting.

Laurie

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Thanks for commenting. And yes, I did read that story, and enjoyed it very much. I think someone recced it on ds_flashback this week,

[chesamus.livejournal.com]

Dear gods - that was one hell of a five minutes! I am, as always, stunned (and jealous) by your twisted, amazing take on things I never even considered.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Twisted "R" Us.

[chickwriter.livejournal.com]

Damn. Whew.

Okay, I can breathe again.

You totally rock. Was expecting Vecchio and I get Victoria. Beautifully done.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Ooh, I left her breathless. Cool.
Thanks!

[ellenvl.livejournal.com]

Wow. Shay, that was fabulous. I always enjoy reading your fic. I also thought it was going to be Vecchio, but was pleasantly surprised to find it was Victoria we were witnessing. Very interesting. And now she is in on the prowl again. And using the Fraser name.......

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Thank you! How nice to hear from you!

[tikiaceae.livejournal.com]

Wow.

Cool Victoria's POV. She's a one scary character.

Wondefully written!

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Yes, she certainly is, especially her power over Benton. Thanks!

[murielperun.livejournal.com]

Very cool!

She doesn't want him dead, but she won't give herself up to make sure he's all right. She's self-centered, and she will survive. Perfect characterization!

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Thank you!! That's exactly how I see her.

[imkalena.livejournal.com]

Perfect! I, too, at first, thought it was Ray. And she may be complex, but at bottom, she's still completely self-centered.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Thanks for commenting, K. I appreciate it!