Smut virgin
May. 13th, 2003 01:18 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
mergatrude.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
ds_flashfictionYes I am, so it feels a little clumsy to me. And it's not terribly smutty either.
Release Me
Stella lay quietly, keeping her breathing even until she was sure Ray was asleep. Her hand slid down her belly to comb through the coarse curls of her pubic hair, toying with the strands. She felt a little guilty, a bit dirty, lying there touching herself thinking about strange men taking her roughly while Ray lay sleeping next to her. A little nudge and she knew he’d be only too happy to help her get off, just with his tongue and fingers if she didn’t feel like a fuck. But she didn’t want that. Didn’t want his touch and the emotional investment their lovemaking seemed to require.
Her left hand came up to thumb a nipple, teasing it to hardness. She pinched it, gently at first, then harder as her mind played out some stupid fantasy of being slapped, being pushed around, that she knew she’d never tolerate in real life. Parting the folds of her labia she slid two fingers through the growing dampness, spreading moisture around, stroking her clit. Ray stirred, mumbling, and she froze until his breathing deepened once more. She pressed harder, rubbing her clit more firmly, not wanting to dress this up anymore, just chasing the sensation and holding her body perfectly still as it washed through her, making her legs ache a little. Relaxing with a sigh she tasted her fingers before wiping them on a corner of the sheet and rolling onto her side.
Ray rolled with her, flinging an arm over her, his breath tickling her neck uncomfortably. She prodded him with her elbow, replying “Too hot,” to his questioning murmur. A small lie she was using more frequently. He rolled back, his arm stroking down her side and she tried not to flinch.
Release Me
Stella lay quietly, keeping her breathing even until she was sure Ray was asleep. Her hand slid down her belly to comb through the coarse curls of her pubic hair, toying with the strands. She felt a little guilty, a bit dirty, lying there touching herself thinking about strange men taking her roughly while Ray lay sleeping next to her. A little nudge and she knew he’d be only too happy to help her get off, just with his tongue and fingers if she didn’t feel like a fuck. But she didn’t want that. Didn’t want his touch and the emotional investment their lovemaking seemed to require.
Her left hand came up to thumb a nipple, teasing it to hardness. She pinched it, gently at first, then harder as her mind played out some stupid fantasy of being slapped, being pushed around, that she knew she’d never tolerate in real life. Parting the folds of her labia she slid two fingers through the growing dampness, spreading moisture around, stroking her clit. Ray stirred, mumbling, and she froze until his breathing deepened once more. She pressed harder, rubbing her clit more firmly, not wanting to dress this up anymore, just chasing the sensation and holding her body perfectly still as it washed through her, making her legs ache a little. Relaxing with a sigh she tasted her fingers before wiping them on a corner of the sheet and rolling onto her side.
Ray rolled with her, flinging an arm over her, his breath tickling her neck uncomfortably. She prodded him with her elbow, replying “Too hot,” to his questioning murmur. A small lie she was using more frequently. He rolled back, his arm stroking down her side and she tried not to flinch.
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Date: 2003-05-12 09:17 pm (UTC)This is really good, so don't doubt yourself. It's also a great look inside a decaying marriage. How awful that she can't tolerate Ray's touch and the emotional investment their lovemaking seemed to require yet...her mind played out some stupid fantasy of being slapped, being pushed around, that she knew she’d never tolerate in real life.
This is painful, really painful, especially the perfunctory way she pleasures herself, not wanting to "dress it up." And to think she has Ray right there.
no subject
Date: 2003-05-13 04:03 pm (UTC)And to think she has Ray right there I know, and Ray would do anything to make her happy and I think that's part of what she can't deal with because she doesn't feel the same way about him anymore. She feels bad about it. Or something. Amateur psychoanalysis.
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Date: 2003-05-12 10:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-05-13 04:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-05-13 12:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-05-13 04:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-05-13 06:03 am (UTC)I second that ouch.
It makes you wonder how they got there. Ray always seems to be the type to put his feelings right out there and those feelings didn't change. What was she expecting when she married him?
I demand answers! Ray deserves better than that!
ahem... Excuse me. I never liked the way she treated him. Hmmmph.
This was an excellent story and a good first foray into smut. Good job.
ETA: Spellcheck suggests "homeomorph" for hmmmph. What the heck is a homeomorph?
no subject
Date: 2003-05-13 07:22 am (UTC)Ray rolled with her, flinging an arm over her, his breath tickling her neck uncomfortably. She prodded him with her elbow, replying “Too hot,” to his questioning murmur. A small lie she was using more frequently. He rolled back, his arm stroking down her side and she tried not to flinch.
I repeat my question, what was she expecting? Did she "grow out of" the marriage? Did she stop loving him? Did she ever love him?
Grrrr...
You can see where my sympathies lie.
Poor Ray, he has no idea.
(heh heh - I just noticed your "current mood")
no subject
Date: 2003-05-13 04:28 pm (UTC)(speaking only in terms of my story) Yes, I get the feeling that she did grow out of the marriage. I think that guilt plays a big part in the way she treats him - she knows that she's treated him badly but doesn't want to deal with it so does her utmost to keep him away. And if Ray is clueless it's partly her fault for not telling him what was going on with her. People change, but people can change together if they communicate. Hmmm. /me plays at amateur psychologist again.
Oh and the OED says:
hom{oe}omorphy (http://dictionary.oed.com/cgi/entry/00107514?query_type=word&queryword=homeo&edition=2e&first=1&max_to_show=10&xref=1&sort_type=alpha&result_place=1) A superficial resemblance between two fossils or two fossil species sufficient to suggest a taxonomic identity that close examination shows not to exist; esp. a resemblance that is due to convergent evolution.
...hence homeomorph (yes, I'm sad)
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Date: 2003-05-14 10:25 am (UTC)But not always. Honestly, I thought this was very good and made total sense. I completely understand the idea of not wanting the emotional commitment of lovemaking, and I really felt for Stella. And Ray. But I don't think he could have helped.
It was very good, and captured that feeling very well.
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Date: 2003-05-13 08:30 am (UTC)Nice deflowering! And now we know why Ray is so lucky to have Ben. *g*
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Date: 2003-05-13 04:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-05-13 12:37 pm (UTC)-R
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