Genre 2007 challenge by joandarck
Oct. 17th, 2007 01:51 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
joandarck.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
ds_flashfictionPairings: various/Fraser
Length: ~1200 words?
Rating: you don't need an ID to buy the magazine
Warning: Cosmo quizzes are a waste of time
This month: How to tell if the man of your dreams wants YOU!
1. Does he wear a sharp red uniform?
A Of course he does; if he didn't, I would certainly put him on report.
B If by sharp you mean dorky, sure. *dorky snort*
C Yeah, red, brown, blue, lots of wool, but you should see him on the weekends. What a mess!
D Not once the door closes behind us...
E Yes, and he looks so handsome in it! Although the fit of those pants does make him look like he's carrying a little weight at the hips – but then, he's never wanted my advice. And I offered to measure him and everything.
2. If you suggest getting together casually after work, he says
A Yes, I'd like that.
B Of course. We'll just need to stop by and pick up Diefenbaker.
C I'm afraid I – already have plans.
D Excuse me, but I believe I see a situation in progress, involving an organ-grinder's monkey and a... monkey.
E Nothing: he's speechless with shock and desire.
3. Does he look at you with his heart in his eyes?
A Like it's a hot day and I'm the kid with the ice cream cone. Of course, he also looks at kids with ice cream cones that way.
B Sometimes I think so, but, uh... it's hard to be totally sure, because I'm usually distracted by getting this massive... uh.
C Certainly not! That would be entirely inappropriate while on duty. And after hours, he always seems to be out with that disreputable friend of his.
D Yes, he does, that big, bleeding heart of his, much good it did the woman he said he loved.
E Oh, yeah! Definitely. Totally. Well... maybe. Kind of. Or it might be, you know, panic.
4. Attractively dressed, you surprise him by turning up at his door. He
A immediately takes you to bed for a bout of passionate, soft-focus lovemaking.
B gets this look, like a squirrel about to get hit by a car.
C asks how you got in, points out the time, and stares at you until you pretend you need his help on a case.
D turns you away on the grounds that he already has a friend in there... like, a woman.
E assumes that a fire drill is in progress, causing you to panic and agree that it is, at which point he insists on carrying out every last procedure, leaving you shivering for fifteen minutes on a filthy American sidewalk at midnight in only an overcoat and a silk slip while he climbs up the side of the building.
5. Would he ever cheat on you?
A Oh, no, he's much too honorable. Sweet, and kind... a real gentleman, not like those other creeps.
B Ha ha ha ha ha! I should think not. If he did, I'd have himcensured fired eviscerated – I'd make my displeasure clear.
C Eh, what's a little cheating between friends. Not that I would. But we all know how it goes, I wouldn't get all bent out of shape if, you know, a woman came between us. Yeah. Well. Maybe a little. Okay, it would kill me!
D He can try, but after me, he won't know how to love again.
E Why? Do you know something? I mean – not that I care, I don't care. Where did you see them? No reason, just, uh, it's my lunch break.
ANSWERS
1. A2 B4 C3 D5 E1
2. A4 B3 C2 D1 E5
3. A3 B4 C2 D5 E1
4. A5 B1 C4 D3 E2
5. A1 B2 C3 D5 E4
25 pts – Well played, sister. His heart may be oh-so-noble, but he's still a man, which makes him weak. And he's yours by right, to mold, crush, devour, and cherish at your whim. Lead him into new realms of redemption and hope or betray him and leave him a torn, abandoned puppet of desire. Either way, your triumph will be exquisite.
20-24 pts – My friend, you are a handsome man in your prime, you have a lot of energy and style, and your hair, which – okay, let's be honest – is not entirely standard in some circles, is looking real good just now. Sometimes you have to go with your gut and if your gut is telling you this guy wants you, take it from us, he does. When he gives you that look, like he's not sure if you're speaking in Swahili, or he's trying to decide whether to tell you something's stuck to your shoe, doesn't matter, what he's really thinking is, "I want that guy. I want to jump his bones. I want him to take me home right now and make hot crazy love to me all afternoon, and then dance under the moonlight and whisper sweet nothings in my shell-like ear." Okay that's maybe not the exact words, but the point is: go for it. Ask him. Or don't ask, just show and tell, that's more what you do best. And hey - send us a picture.
15-19 pts – You. Yeah, you, you're pathetic. You know what your pop would say, don't you? Guys like him don't go for guys like you. That's not the real world. Who do you think you are, anyway? Think you deserve better than the rest of us poor slobs? Who are you trying to kid? He'd break your heart, you know he would. He's done it before, hasn't he? Go, just go, leave him first before he can leave you. Make like it was your idea. That's the only way you're getting out of this with some shred of dignity intact, you big sap.
10-14 pts – We must be realistic. There are pros and cons here. Pros: he's an extremely attractive...
Cons! Cons. The situation necessitates a certain amount of restraint, obviously, and it's not entirely clear that he – that is, while he naturally would be enthusiastic about a relationship under different circumstances, given your obvious compatibility, the circumstances – er –
In short: realistically speaking, he has nothing to offer that a number of other fine examples of the male form, er, gender, don't also have, even if other men don't make you quake in your boots in quite the same way (and don't have the same fine service record), and the potential for some kind of humiliating romantic contretemps is considerably lowered if you look a little further outside your own demesne. For the moment.
5-9 pts – Now, while we're not saying your brother knows anything about it, because – we mean, look at him. Does he look like he could romance his way out of a paper bag? Hardly. No idea what those women see in him. Although it's not like he has any trouble getting certain people into supply closets. Maybe it's some kind of voodoo. That might be worth looking into. But anyway. The point is, you're a young, attractive, beautiful woman, with a lot of charm and sex appeal and real character, and brains, not that anybody seems to care, and it's a shame for you to be throwing yourself away on someone who's never really... never really shown much interest, if you're honest about it. You deserve better, and you don't need him! Why not apply to the Police Academy? Or become an artist, and run away to Italy like your second cousin? You could meet sensitive, artistic men! Hell, even adopting a bunch of babies would be better than just sitting around waiting for some... oh, don't cry. Please don't cry. You're not listening, are you? He just makes your heart beat faster, doesn't he? We know, honey. We know.
Length: ~1200 words?
Rating: you don't need an ID to buy the magazine
Warning: Cosmo quizzes are a waste of time
This month: How to tell if the man of your dreams wants YOU!
1. Does he wear a sharp red uniform?
A Of course he does; if he didn't, I would certainly put him on report.
B If by sharp you mean dorky, sure. *dorky snort*
C Yeah, red, brown, blue, lots of wool, but you should see him on the weekends. What a mess!
D Not once the door closes behind us...
E Yes, and he looks so handsome in it! Although the fit of those pants does make him look like he's carrying a little weight at the hips – but then, he's never wanted my advice. And I offered to measure him and everything.
2. If you suggest getting together casually after work, he says
A Yes, I'd like that.
B Of course. We'll just need to stop by and pick up Diefenbaker.
C I'm afraid I – already have plans.
D Excuse me, but I believe I see a situation in progress, involving an organ-grinder's monkey and a... monkey.
E Nothing: he's speechless with shock and desire.
3. Does he look at you with his heart in his eyes?
A Like it's a hot day and I'm the kid with the ice cream cone. Of course, he also looks at kids with ice cream cones that way.
B Sometimes I think so, but, uh... it's hard to be totally sure, because I'm usually distracted by getting this massive... uh.
C Certainly not! That would be entirely inappropriate while on duty. And after hours, he always seems to be out with that disreputable friend of his.
D Yes, he does, that big, bleeding heart of his, much good it did the woman he said he loved.
E Oh, yeah! Definitely. Totally. Well... maybe. Kind of. Or it might be, you know, panic.
4. Attractively dressed, you surprise him by turning up at his door. He
A immediately takes you to bed for a bout of passionate, soft-focus lovemaking.
B gets this look, like a squirrel about to get hit by a car.
C asks how you got in, points out the time, and stares at you until you pretend you need his help on a case.
D turns you away on the grounds that he already has a friend in there... like, a woman.
E assumes that a fire drill is in progress, causing you to panic and agree that it is, at which point he insists on carrying out every last procedure, leaving you shivering for fifteen minutes on a filthy American sidewalk at midnight in only an overcoat and a silk slip while he climbs up the side of the building.
5. Would he ever cheat on you?
A Oh, no, he's much too honorable. Sweet, and kind... a real gentleman, not like those other creeps.
B Ha ha ha ha ha! I should think not. If he did, I'd have him
C Eh, what's a little cheating between friends. Not that I would. But we all know how it goes, I wouldn't get all bent out of shape if, you know, a woman came between us. Yeah. Well. Maybe a little. Okay, it would kill me!
D He can try, but after me, he won't know how to love again.
E Why? Do you know something? I mean – not that I care, I don't care. Where did you see them? No reason, just, uh, it's my lunch break.
ANSWERS
1. A2 B4 C3 D5 E1
2. A4 B3 C2 D1 E5
3. A3 B4 C2 D5 E1
4. A5 B1 C4 D3 E2
5. A1 B2 C3 D5 E4
25 pts – Well played, sister. His heart may be oh-so-noble, but he's still a man, which makes him weak. And he's yours by right, to mold, crush, devour, and cherish at your whim. Lead him into new realms of redemption and hope or betray him and leave him a torn, abandoned puppet of desire. Either way, your triumph will be exquisite.
20-24 pts – My friend, you are a handsome man in your prime, you have a lot of energy and style, and your hair, which – okay, let's be honest – is not entirely standard in some circles, is looking real good just now. Sometimes you have to go with your gut and if your gut is telling you this guy wants you, take it from us, he does. When he gives you that look, like he's not sure if you're speaking in Swahili, or he's trying to decide whether to tell you something's stuck to your shoe, doesn't matter, what he's really thinking is, "I want that guy. I want to jump his bones. I want him to take me home right now and make hot crazy love to me all afternoon, and then dance under the moonlight and whisper sweet nothings in my shell-like ear." Okay that's maybe not the exact words, but the point is: go for it. Ask him. Or don't ask, just show and tell, that's more what you do best. And hey - send us a picture.
15-19 pts – You. Yeah, you, you're pathetic. You know what your pop would say, don't you? Guys like him don't go for guys like you. That's not the real world. Who do you think you are, anyway? Think you deserve better than the rest of us poor slobs? Who are you trying to kid? He'd break your heart, you know he would. He's done it before, hasn't he? Go, just go, leave him first before he can leave you. Make like it was your idea. That's the only way you're getting out of this with some shred of dignity intact, you big sap.
10-14 pts – We must be realistic. There are pros and cons here. Pros: he's an extremely attractive...
Cons! Cons. The situation necessitates a certain amount of restraint, obviously, and it's not entirely clear that he – that is, while he naturally would be enthusiastic about a relationship under different circumstances, given your obvious compatibility, the circumstances – er –
In short: realistically speaking, he has nothing to offer that a number of other fine examples of the male form, er, gender, don't also have, even if other men don't make you quake in your boots in quite the same way (and don't have the same fine service record), and the potential for some kind of humiliating romantic contretemps is considerably lowered if you look a little further outside your own demesne. For the moment.
5-9 pts – Now, while we're not saying your brother knows anything about it, because – we mean, look at him. Does he look like he could romance his way out of a paper bag? Hardly. No idea what those women see in him. Although it's not like he has any trouble getting certain people into supply closets. Maybe it's some kind of voodoo. That might be worth looking into. But anyway. The point is, you're a young, attractive, beautiful woman, with a lot of charm and sex appeal and real character, and brains, not that anybody seems to care, and it's a shame for you to be throwing yourself away on someone who's never really... never really shown much interest, if you're honest about it. You deserve better, and you don't need him! Why not apply to the Police Academy? Or become an artist, and run away to Italy like your second cousin? You could meet sensitive, artistic men! Hell, even adopting a bunch of babies would be better than just sitting around waiting for some... oh, don't cry. Please don't cry. You're not listening, are you? He just makes your heart beat faster, doesn't he? We know, honey. We know.
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no subject
Date: 2007-10-17 04:26 pm (UTC)And Thatcher. And She Who Must Not Be Named. And our mystery date with the non-standard hair.
And after hours, he always seems to be out with that disreputable friend of his.
Hee!
no subject
Date: 2007-10-18 08:15 am (UTC)Hee yourself! *g*