Having a Party

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

First, apologies to all the people who are knocking themselves out every week to post things under the limit, because I'm about to break the rules. I really tried to get this under 1000 words but, even with help from Kellie, it wouldn't go lower than 1100. And I *hated* what was left.

So here's the whole enchilada. It's about 1500 words.

Thanks to Kellie and bluster for beta and to my SORT sisters for praise and support.

Thanks to the late Sam Cooke for the title. *G*


HAVING A PARTY

"Corporal Benton Fraser speaking."

Ray laughed. "Hey, Fraser."

Fraser's voice softened and deepened. "Hi, Ray."

"Sorry to call so late tonight. I couldn't get rid of my mom and dad."

"Helping you pack?"

Ray rolled his eyes. "They *thought* they were helping."

"Ah."

"How are you?"

"I'm fine, Ray," said Fraser, automatically. But then, "I miss you. It's. . . difficult."

"I miss you too, buddy. I can't wait to see you on Friday."

Fraser sighed. "It seems a long way off and I--"

There was a loud clicking noise on the line. Ray had to raise his voice to say "What, Frase?"

"Ray, remember about the party line?"

Oh yeah. The phone company hadn't forged their way up to Fort McPherson yet. It had only been about a hundred years, but whatever. Fraser's new house had a party line.

An elderly male voice. "Hello? Hello? Is that you, Corporal?"

"Yes, Reverend Hnatiuk." That was Fraser for you. Resigned, but polite. "I'm speaking to my partner in Chicago. Would it be possible for us to--"

"Of course, Corporal. In Chicago? What's he doing in Chicago?"

"Trying to talk to my partner in Fort McPherson," said Ray, pointedly.

"Did you two boys have an argument? That's a terrible shame. You need to talk things over."

"Yes, Reverend," said Fraser. "I mean, no. We didn't have an argument, but we *do* need to talk. If you'd give us a few minutes alone. . . ."

"Oh, of course! Happy to! But I really do think Ray should get back here as soon as possible. We could do a special counseling sess--"

Fraser sounded almost uncourteous, "Thank you, Reverend. Talk to you *tomorrow*. Good night."

Another click and then silence.

"Jesus, Fraser!"

"I'm sorry, Ray." He sounded upset. "I thought I had mentioned that you and I would be needing the line tonight."

"Hey, it's okay. I was just surprised. In Chicago, we have this thing -- everyone gets their own telephone line."

"Do you think you can adjust, Ray? I wouldn't ask you but. . . I don't know what we can do. . . since I'm committed here. . . ."

Oh geez! He needed to calm the guy down or they were going to have that "you've given up too much for me" talk again.

"Fraser, I'm coming back and we're going to live happily ever after, understand?"

A relieved sigh. "Understood."

"Good." Time for a distraction. "So . . . Frase?"

"Mmm?"

"What are you wearing?"

"Wha--? Oh! I'm wearing jeans, Ray. White socks."

"Fraser."

"Boots. A thermal undershirt."

"Fraser."

"--and that blue flannel--"

"Fraser! I was kind of hoping you might say 'nothing'. Get it?"

"Oh." Fraser sounded confused. "Well, I suppose I could undress. But--"

"Now you're talking. Take it off." Ray heard rustling sounds. He toed his own boots off then started on his jeans. "I like to imagine you completely naked on our bed, rolling around while --"

"Diefenbaker!"

"What?" Ray had his jeans half off and he froze. God, he'd assumed that Fraser's sexual preferences were pretty vanilla. He wasn't sure he could really go there.

"Diefenbaker. Off the bed, please. Out of the bedroom. Yes, now." Pause. Ray knew what was coming next. "All right, pancakes in the morning, but this kind of extortion isn't very sporting, considering all the times I've given *you* some privacy." Another pause. Ray pulled his t-shirt off. "What? Yes, it is the same thing. Almost." Ray rolled his eyes and pulled off his socks. It always riled Fraser when Dief teased him about his sex life. "But Ray *is* here. He's. . . on the telephone." Yeah, Dief pretty much won that round, for all he was sleeping on the sofa tonight. "That's a disgusting thing to say. I'm shutting the door now. Good night!" Ray knew that hard-ass attitude wouldn't last long. Yep. Here it was, very gently. "All right, Dief. Sweet dreams."

Ray felt a warm rush of affection. He smiled. "You alone now?"

"Finally. I'm sorry, Ray. I'm almost undressed." Rustle. "There."

"Wow! That was fast. Were you stripping the whole time you were arguing with the furball?" Ray teased.

"Uh. . . well, yes," said Fraser. "It seemed more efficient."

"Efficient, huh?" He could work with efficient. "What if I told you that I can't wait to get home and efficiently tear your clothes off--" Oh, he could just imagine. . . .

"Ray."

"--and efficiently throw you on the bed." Mmm. He ran his hand lightly down his chest, stopping briefly at all the sensitive places.

"Ray."

"And then I'm going to put my efficient hand on your--"

There was a loud click. "Hell-ooo?"

Ray jumped a foot and a half off the bed. "Gah!"

"Hello? Is that you, Corporal Fraser?" This time the voice was female. Shirlene Bourassa.

"Uh, yes ma'am."

"I'm so sorry to interrupt you boys. I thought you might be finished with the line."

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Bourassa. We need a few more minutes--"

"Half an hour," Ray snarled. It would take him at least that long to get his groove on again.

"--unless it's urgent".

"Why no, not at all. I was calling Selma LaPres to give her that cloudberry pie recipe. You complimented me on it at the community picnic last week."

"It was delicious."

"Glad you liked it, dear. Well now, you boys have a lovely chat."

"We're trying," barked Ray.

"Catch up on all the news!"

"Yes, Mrs. Bourassa. Goodbye." Fraser said, firmly.

"Night night!" she said. Silence.

Something wrong. "Fraser?"

"Not yet, Ray."

Click.

"She's gone now, Ray."

"Jeez, people there ever hear of phone sex?"

"There's not much call for it around here, Ray."

"Hardy ha ha, Fraser." Deep breath. "Okay, let's see what we can do. As I recall, my hand was on--"

"Ray."

"--your cock and I was--"

"Ray."

"--shoving you back on the bed. I was just going to--"

"Ray!"

"What?" Ray's hand stopped moving. "Geez, Fraser. When a guy's getting into a groove, you can't just interrupt him. *Again*."

"I'm sorry, Ray. I’m concerned about the party line issue, if you take my meaning."

Good point. But his dick had already stiffened again after the latest interruption and he really did *not* want another night of getting off alone, thinking of Fraser so far away. "Come on, Frase," he wheedled. "Nobody's listening."

"But...."

"Relax. Lie back on the bed and think about how I'm going to touch you." Time to bring out the big guns. "How I'm going to lick you."

Fraser groaned. This was easier than Ray had expected. Fraser must want it as badly as he did.

"That's right, Frase. I'm gonna lick you all over your body."

"All over?" Fraser sounded breathless. A little imploring. Ray liked that.

"Yes, all. . . You mean *there*? Oh yeah. Especially there. I'm going to spend a very long time licking you there. Softly, and then roughly, then *very* lightly."

Another groan. Louder.

"I'm not going to let you come, though."

A high moaning sound, almost a whimper.

"Got a finger . . . there, Frase?

"Mmm."

"Good. I want you to keep it there. Keep doing what feels good. Make yourself feel really, uh, good." Ray was having a hard time breathing. Not a great time to have a heart attack. He couldn't seem to slow his hand, so he tried to use a looser grip. "Imagine how I’m going to tease you on Friday. Holding you open. Licking and touching."

"Oh God. Oh God, Ray."

"You close, Frase?"

Gasp. "Yes."

"Me too. Hang on."

"Hurry!"

"Mmm. After I've licked you and teased you, I'm going to climb on top of you and I'm going to slide my cock into you and then, Frase, then I'm going to fuck you."

"Ray!"

Ray really hoped that yelp signaled Fraser's orgasm, because his own hand had gone out of control and he was coming. Hard. Hot liquid spraying his stomach. Hips bucking up off the bed. In his mind's eye, he saw Fraser doing the same, and the vision wrung one more spasm out of him.

"Oh God, Ray," Fraser said, eventually, in a calmer voice.

"You okay, Frase?"

"Mmmyeah. I'm. . . .very well." Must have come, then. Good, because Ray had zero energy to talk dirty again.

"Me too."

"I love you, Ray."

"I love you, too. I'll be home soon."

"Good night."

"Good night, Fraser. Sweet dreams."

Ray heard a click as Fraser hung up the phone, and then, as he put the phone down himself, he heard a chorus:

"You too, Ray."

"Night, dear!"

"See you soon, eh?"

And, very faintly, Mrs. Bourassa's voice saying, "We miss you, Ray".

Yeah, okay. They really were kind of sweet. For perverts.

But he was still going over to the cell phone place tomorrow to see what satellite technology could do for him.

***

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, yeah, I know I betaed it, but I still love the last two lines. ;-D

--Kellie

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

I'm glad! And I'm not complaining. Tell me as many times as you like. :)

[tinriddick.livejournal.com]

If your gonna write stuff like this you can have some of my words ;) not like i'm gonna be using them anytime soon. (bink waves her magic wand)There, no guilt and everybody is happy. Going that extra mile at the end was a nice touch by the way, makes things (ahem) interesting for everyone, if only Fraser knew. Loved this! :D

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

LOL! You're really kind. I'd really like to raise the word-limit issue tomorrow when this challenge ends. We'll see.

I'm glad you liked the ending. It's kind of creepy. Okay, really creepy. But the story wouldn't really work without it. So, for the sake of my story, farewell to Ray and Fraser's privacy. :) And since we were all listening in anyway, I think their privacy is moot anyway. So there.

Thank you for commenting. :) (I love your icon too. A great CKR moment!)

[umbo.livejournal.com]

That should help give me some very sweet dreams indeed :-)

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

Aww, thanks hon. :)

I hope it does. You definitely deserve them!

[dsudis.livejournal.com]

I only used 150 of mine this week, so you can have my extras.

They really were kind of sweet. For perverts.

I'm going to be seeing my grandmother tomorrow, and I just know that line is going to be popping into my head at some supremely inappropriate moment and I'll be giggling my head off...

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

I only used 150 of mine this week, so you can have my extras.

Thanks Dira. :) I still feel uncomfortable about it, but it's kind of you.

"They really were kind of sweet. For perverts."

I'm going to be seeing my grandmother tomorrow, and I just know that line is going to be popping into my head at some supremely inappropriate moment and I'll be giggling my head off...

Heh! I hope so! :) Old people can be perverted too. Equal opportunity, I always say.

I changed that line over and over -- twice after I posted it, even. But it's final now. Really. *G*

Hee!

[pollitt.livejournal.com]

A,

I still haven't had time to give you appropriate feedback for this, but girl, you crack me up. This was not only funny, but it was sexy and just too good. As people have already commented, I loved this line

Yeah, okay. They really were kind of sweet. For perverts.

Bravo, hun. Mwah!

Re: Hee!

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

Thanks M! :) Mwah back!

I'm really pleased my liked the attempt to mix humor and smut. It's hard for me to balance those because I get carried away with both.

And I wouldn't have posted it at all without the encouragement I got from you guys. :::hugs::: Thank you.

Verdict: Not Guilty

[mergatrude.livejournal.com]

I kept breaking into spontaneous laughter for a good half-hour. First the lack of curtains and now a party line sharing the love!

Re: Verdict: Not Guilty

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

Verdict: Not Guilty
You're very kind. Thank you. :)

I kept breaking into spontaneous laughter for a good half-hour. First the lack of curtains and now a party line sharing the love!

Obviously I have some issues. I'm working on them and that restraining order against me was a complete overreaction. *G*

I'm very happy that you enjoyed it!

[halimede.livejournal.com]

That last line! Wonderful! :)
And the rest is very nice too. I want that cloudberry pie recipe (even though I suspect I'd have a hard time getting fresh cloudberries here). ;)

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

That last line! Wonderful! :)
And the rest is very nice too.

Thank you! The last line was in from the beginning. The rest changed several times a day. :) I'm glad you enjoyed the final version!

I want that cloudberry pie recipe (even though I suspect I'd have a hard time getting fresh cloudberries here). ;)

Hee! Don't you wonder what they'd taste like? I really struggled to find info for that pie, so I now have a bunch of links on cloudberries and other tundra-type berries. *G*

And you know, they sell a lot of arctic foods by mail order. You can find arctic-berry jams on eBay. Isn't that bizarre? Cool, but weird.

[maubast.livejournal.com]

Wow, you can have all my extra words, and you just *rock*. This was too great. Thanks for sharing!

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

You're a sweetheart, but then I knew that. :)

I had the idea when I was falling asleep and I woke myself up laughing out loud. I'm glad you enjoyed it, too.

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

i enjoyed this very much :)

Thanks Jodie! That makes me feel good. :)

and i personally don't care if someone posts over the limit.

I'm glad to hear that.*G*

I feel like it might be a good solution to just *raise* the limit. Most people aren't going that far over, and it doesn't make sense to me for this community to have a rule that we're not observing. But who knows? Maybe I'm angsting over this a lot more than anyone else. It wouldn't be the first time. *G*

[lamardeuse.livejournal.com]

I adore this. Phone sex that's hot *and* endearing.

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

I woke up this morning with the internal editor saying "yeah, it may have been kinda funny, but it was wasn't sexy", so the word "hot" is music to my ears. *G*

Thank you for the kind words. :)

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

I think we're all kinda sweet, for perverts, actually...
This is hilarious and hot and delightful. Who could ask for anything more. And since I only used half my words this week, you may have the other 500. There!~

As for the word limit issue, clearly we're not a bunch of Nazis about it. Don't be guilty.

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

I think we're all kinda sweet, for perverts, actually...

I absolutely agree -- on both counts. :) I identified very closely with these characters.

This is hilarious and hot and delightful. Who could ask for anything more.

Thank you very much -- you have reassured me after a long night of self-doubt. :) (Neurotic? Moi?)

Also, I appreciate your kindness about the word limit.

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

When I was small, we lived out in the country and had a party line. I recall several older ladies whose major entertainment was listening in on everyone elses calls, so this strikes a definite chord.

You had the most interesting childhood. The things I'm learning about you this week.... *G*

I had to do some research to make sure party lines are still used in parts of Canada. I couldn't get 2003 info, but they were used up into the mid-90s, so I used poetic license. I have a hunch some younger readers won't have heard of a party line until they read the story. :::feeling old:::

Thanks for the nice comments!

Loved It!

[ozsaur.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad you posted the longer version. This is so funny and sweet and sexy. Love it!

Re: Loved It!

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad you posted the longer version.

Thanks dear! Comments from you guys made all the difference! Otherwise I was going to post the short version and then commit ritual hari kari.

This is so funny and sweet and sexy. Love it!

Thanks! I'm thrilled that you enjoyed it.

[kist.livejournal.com]

*laughs* That was thoroughly enjoyable. And it was hot phone sex even with all the interruptions. I'm partial to Ray talking about licking Fraser. *melt* Plus the ending with everyone listening in. I have a special fondness for sweet perverts. ;) What a great way to start my Saturday. Thanks.

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

That was thoroughly enjoyable.

Thanks! I'm so excited that you liked it!

And it was hot phone sex even with all the interruptions.

Just what I needed to hear. It's hard for me to keep that hot/funny balance. Or, in fact, to be either one. *G* I'm glad it worked for you.

I'm partial to Ray talking about licking Fraser. *melt*

I, um, know what you mean....::cough:::

Plus the ending with everyone listening in. I have a special fondness for sweet perverts.

LOL! I happen to know a few...::::looking around::::

[akite.livejournal.com]

I've got a big, old goofy grin on my face now. I'm sure it'll be coming back all day long now. ::bgg::

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

I'm so delighted that you found it fun! Thank you for telling me! :)

Come back any time. *G* I'll be here.

[brooklinegirl.livejournal.com]

I'm hugely amused here...what a great way to lighten up my morning. This was *so* funny...Fraser must be *really* needing it to risk the whole party line knowing. I'm with the others: love the whole final, "sweet...for perverts" line. But this also utterly cracked me up:

"I like to imagine you completely naked on our bed, rolling around while --"

"Diefenbaker!"

"What?" Ray had his jeans half off and he froze. God, he'd assumed that Fraser's sexual preferences were pretty vanilla. He wasn't sure he could really go there."

Nicely done!

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

I'm hugely amused here...what a great way to lighten up my morning. This was *so* funny...Fraser must be *really* needing it to risk the whole party line knowing.

Thank you so much! I couldn't be happier to hear that it made you laugh.

I think Fraser just kinda forgot about the lack of privacy once Ray said "lick". *G*

The perverts line was changed late in the game, so I'm glad that worked, but I'm dancing a happy dance that you laughed at my bestiality joke. *G*

Thanks for your kind comments!

[beledibabe.livejournal.com]

Chiming in late with the kudos, because I just got home and had a chance to read it, but *damn*, woman! I don't ever want to hear you dissing yourself and your writing talent again!

First of all, this was a hoot! Very funny with the type of situational humor that I adore, as well as Ray's interior monologue -- he's got such a skewed vision that I love seeing in stories.

Second of all, it was damn sexy! Oh, the fact that *Ray's* doing the licking... there, and that Fraser's totally overcome by that thought (as am I), simply melts my bones.

Third of all... there is no third. ;>

Don't worry about the words -- you can have my leftovers -- and besides, Ces isn't that anal. At least, not about words. Heh.

So. Got another story for me to read? ::hopeful look::

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

You're not late at all, hon. It's barely been 12 hours. And if you think I'm not sitting here waiting for more crac...er, comments, you're mistaken. *G*

I don't ever want to hear you dissing yourself and your writing talent again!

:::squeezing Carla until she squeaks:::

I'm ecstatic that the humor worked for you and that the sex worked for you, too. Insecure, me. ("I was nervous. I get...nervous.")

Did you see what I mean about your story? I have a thing for directive!Ray and compliant!Fraser. I blame your bad influence. *G*

So. Got another story for me to read? ::hopeful look::

Flatterer! :::scurrying to the grindstone and applying my nose:::

[rubyrosered.livejournal.com]

LOL This is just so funny. It's one of those situations where you know you should feel bad, but you just can't help but enjoy the chaos.

I also enjoyed that the guys are on the same wavelength here. The love between them, underlying the whole conversation, just makes it that much better.

As for the word limit thing, I'm certainly not complaining. Maybe we should call it a word 'goal' instead. :)

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you laughed instead of cringing. In real life it would definitely be icky, huh? :::shudder:::

The love between them, underlying the whole conversation, just makes it that much better.

Yippee! I wanted that to come across.

I appreciate your kindness re: the word limit.

Thanks for the sweet comments!

[bluster.livejournal.com]

You already have my comments, but I just thought I'd say publicly that this is a funny and sweet story that was a joy to read.

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

Awww. I do have your comments, and they helped make it much better than it was. :)

Thank you, B.

[bethbethbeth.livejournal.com]

How did I miss seeing this? Aieee!

Lovely, lovely, lovely. And funny. And sexy. And all good stuff and...um...

(::Beth becomes incoherent::)

And this?

They really were kind of sweet. For perverts

I *love* this.

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

Lovely, lovely, lovely. And funny. And sexy. And all good stuff and...um...

(::Beth becomes incoherent::)

:::Ardent does the dance of the well-praised smut writer::::

And this?

They really were kind of sweet. For perverts

I *love* this

I'm so glad! Thank you. :) I made a change in that right before I posted it. And then two more AFTER I posted it. *G* So I'm glad it worked for you.

Thank you VERY much. :)

Re: Having a Party

[yeungmaisu.livejournal.com]

Sweetheart, about these issues you seem to think you have to work out. In a word, don't.

You show a real genius for understanding the humor in character. Plus, there's a lovely balance between the sex and silliness, in that one never overshadows the other. Truly wonderfully realized, A. And great beta, Kellie and bluster. :)

Re: Having a Party

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

Sweetheart, about these issues you seem to think you have to work out. In a word, don't.

LOL! My voyeurism issues are certainly helping me with these challenges, huh? I guess you're right. *G*

You show a real genius for understanding the humor in character. Plus, there's a lovely balance between the sex and silliness, in that one never overshadows the other. Truly wonderfully realized, A.

Thank you very much for such generous praise. :::blush::: I really struggled with the sex and the humor, and the balance, so it means a lot to me to hear they worked. You're very kind.

And great beta, Kellie and Bluster. :)

Absolutely. I couldn't have done it without both of them. Kellie hung in there through all the different versions, and Bluster prompted me to change a line that ended up being the one everyone seems to like best. I was very lucky in my betas. :)

[ajinamoto.livejournal.com]

Hee hee!!! I'll 83rd the high-five's for the last two lines especially.

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

I made a couple changes in that "pervert" one right before I posted, and then made two more changes AFTER I posted. *G* (Before anyone read it, though.) So I'm really happy that people liked those. :)

I appreciate your kind words!

[imkalena.livejournal.com]

Uh . . . did I mention I love you?

"Mmmyeah. I'm. . . .very well." Must have come, then. Good, because Ray had zero energy to talk dirty again.

I'm so glad I have you to tire those boys out.:-)

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

Uh . . . did I mention I love you?

It's not something I ever get tired of hearing. :)

I'm so glad I have you to tire those boys out.:-)

It's a dirty job but I, personally, enjoy it very much. *G*

Thanks for the kind words, and the feeling is mutual! :::mwah::

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

Belatedly catching up on fic and this was just terrific. Love the party line. Love Fraser's answer. "Oh!--jeans, white socks..." Love Ray's snarkiness, too.

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

I had a strong mental picture of Fraser cataloguing every stitch of clothing while Ray rolled his eyes. He's not a guy with a lot of phone sex aptitude.

Thanks so much! This means a lot. :)

[keerawa.livejournal.com]

hey really were kind of sweet. For perverts.
Oh. My. God. I just found this via akamine chan's rec, and I'm laughing so hard right now ...

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

Sorry for the loooong delay..... but I saw your comment and wanted to thank you for taking the time. I'm glad you liked it! :)