Cheating challenge by china_shop: This Here Now

[china_shop]

F/K, K/V, R-rated, 40k.

Angst for aerye. Big angst.

This Here Now

With bordering-on-hysterical thanks to sprat and sageness for beta.

Comments

[capella-fic.livejournal.com]

Big angst is right! Beautifully done, as always, but oh, it HURT.

Still, painful or not, it's always a true pleasure to read your fine writing, and I can see how this particular outcome is right in many ways, given the build up.

I'm off now to sit in a quiet corner and feel sad about my OTP. But thanks, anyway.

[china_shop]

Aw, thank you so much. I hope your OTP is fully recovered. :)

[eledhwenlin]

You made me CRY. *sniffle*

Beautiful, but ow. I need to go read fluff now.

[china_shop]

Thanks so much! :) I hope you found some nice restorative fluff.

[icarion.livejournal.com]

Ow. That really hurt! In a very awesome way, but damn! I'm also gonna have to go consume copius amounts of fluff.

[china_shop]

Thank you so much! I hope you found some sufficiently fluffy fluff. :)

[kalijean]

That was heart-breakingly fantastic. I'm blown away, I swear.

You kick ass :)

[china_shop]

Eeee! Thank you so much! *beam*

[aerye.livejournal.com]

Oh, my god, I love you so much. There's just so much perfect pain in this, such lovely razor sharp moments. It's an impossible choice that has to be made.

I will gush over you later.

[china_shop]

\o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/

Thank you! *beam* And thanks for the prompt.

[mei-x.livejournal.com]

This was wonderful. So heartwrenching -- but in the end, it was the best resolution for this story.

[china_shop]

Oh, yay, I'm glad that came across. It was how things had to turn out. Thank you!

[lucifercircle.livejournal.com]

You broke them!
So painful.
You couldn't have ended it with a threesome?
I didn't enjoy this, but it was good.

[china_shop]

I think Kowalski would've been happy with a threesome, but neither Vecchio nor Fraser were really in the mood. (Plus, you know, Fraser doesn't want to live in Chicago.)

Thank you. I'm glad it worked for you, even if you didn't enjoy it.

[tharaist.livejournal.com]

That was very good and painful at the same time. Your Vecchio managed to steal my heart and my sympathy. The toilet scene was superb. Kowalski making his impossible choice and Vecchio just sitting there. The details, the choked
sound and the touching. Just excellent!

Also, Fraser gone missing scenario was somehow really DS, balancing between amusing and sad. They called him Nanook! *g*

Thank you for writing!

[china_shop]

Thank you so much! Yay! In the first draft, Vecchio really didn't come off that sympathetic, so I'm very glad he worked for you in the final. *beam*

[missapocalyptic.livejournal.com]

Ouch. Just... ouch.

But it hurts so good.

[china_shop]

Thanks so much! :)

[akite.livejournal.com]

OMG, you've broken me. Such a wonderful, angsty story. As bad as I feel for Fraser, your Vecchio got all my sympathy. I'm glad Kowalski stayed with him.

[china_shop]

Aww, yay Vecchio. Thank you so much! :)

[china_shop]

I felt equally broken-hearted for all three of them

*dances dance of happy feedback* That was exactly what I was hoping for, so yay! Thank you so much!

[fallen-arazil.livejournal.com]

... *ded*

You've killed me. That was brilliant. It just ... hurt in such a good way. (of course, I was hoping RayK woudl go of with Fraser, but that's because they're my OTP)

Anyway, this was handled brilliantly, and you handled Vecchio's angst perfectly. After all, Fraser was his best friend before he wa sanything to RayK, so it must be a weird sensation to be so threatened by him.

~Djinn

[china_shop]

(of course, I was hoping RayK woudl go of with Fraser, but that's because they're my OTP)

But then he'd have to live in the cold and the snow and the dark... and what about Vecchio?!

*g* Thank you so very much!

[izzybeth.livejournal.com]

this is crazy amazing heartbreaking seriously painful to read. just. fuck. ow. because your Vecchio, with his family and this perfect thing he has going with Kowalski despite the family, and your Kowalski, forced to make that choice out of absolutely nowhere... and you made me feel bad for poor fucked-up Fraser. up until the end. "He had many adventures." i LOVE that.

angst is usually not quite my cup of tea, but this is so worth it. SO worth it.

[china_shop]

*twirls* Thank you so very much!

[justbreathe80.livejournal.com]

God, this HURT, but it was perfect and wonderful. God, poor Fraser, and Vecchio's so fucking torn up and it's the way it should be, even if it feels like everyone should be happy.

I kind of kept wanting it to turn into F/K/V, Fraser could stay...but it was right just the way it was.

[china_shop]

Yeah, neither Vecchio nor Fraser was in the mood for a threesome this time. Poor things.

Thanks so much! *beam*

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Waaaaaaaaaaah. I knew it was going to end this way, but I couldn't help hoping anyway, but -- no. Fraser always loses. *cries*

The images of Vecchio watching both of them under the tree is just gorgeous.

[china_shop]

Fraser will be okay.

And thank you! And sorry. :)

[buzzylittleb.livejournal.com]

*blubs*

[china_shop]

*beams*

[nos4a2no9.livejournal.com]

Man, when you say angst you mean angst. This is tough material to handle, especially given the POV style you chose to use because the first-person thing by it's very nature makes your reader sympathize with everyone. However, I think the story really benefited from the first-person narration. It was great to get all three men's reactions to the way their lives have suddenly gone ass-end up, and I found Vecchio's internal misery to be especially compelling. It was an interesting choice to claim that of the two possible outcomes RayK/Vecchio is the pairing that leaves everyone the best chance of survival; almost any other writer would probably have said that Fraser wouldn't really survive without RayK. I like that RayK's choice came down to a decision about what was kind rather than what was best for himself; his decision was motivated by loyalty to his new love, and it was a mature choice in a highly complex and difficult situation.

The last line was, of course, perfect. For me it summed up something intrinsic in Fraser's character and in the show: "He had many adventures" IS Fraser's life, because he's always caught up in the journey. Like Ulysses, getting home is never the point - it's the journey that matters. The long exile in Chicago and the search for Franklin's hand, the constant theme of homelessness and movement and all the other small indicators that Fraser, like his father, is destined to always remain at arms' length from belonging were beautifully evoked here. So I'm sad, but it's a satisfied sort of sadness. Thanks for postig this.

[china_shop]

the first-person thing by it's very nature makes your reader sympathize with everyone

Yes, exactly. I really wanted people to sympathise with all of them. There are no bad guys here, it's no one's fault. Impossible situation, hence huge angst. And yes, also, to Ray/Ray being a mature choice for Kowalski. Letting go of the past and the Big Dream and standing by what he has, what he and Vecchio have built together.

Thank you so very much. *beam*

[mergatrude.livejournal.com]

You are evil and brilliant!

[china_shop]

\o/

[mickeymvt.livejournal.com]

You broke me. *sob*

[china_shop]

*gives you glue*

(Thanks.)

[katallison.livejournal.com]

I adore this story, and I really want to say more about it, when I am back from Vividcon and have actually gotten some SLEEP, but for now, just -- big big love.

[china_shop]

Oh yay! Thank you so much, and I would love to hear your thoughts about it, if you can be bothered/have time.

[mlyn.livejournal.com]

Nnngh! Just—I—*chest clutch*

GODDAMMIT.

Nicely done. You brought out some memories I haven't thought about in years, and for that I don't know what to say, except, Wow.

[china_shop]

Thank you so much.

wow!!

[wildfire-15.livejournal.com]

Holy wow. I read this yesterday and can't stop thinking about it. What a terribly heart-rending wonderful story. Good job!

Re: wow!!

[china_shop]

Oh, thank you! That's so great to hear that it's stayed with you. *beams*

[helleboredoll.livejournal.com]

Ow ow owowo wowowowww!!!!! Why you have to hurt me so good/bad, you wonderful cruel woman?! Curse/bless you!! *g*

The only thing that could make this better is an alternate ending where he chooses Fraser. ;P

[china_shop]

But then what about Vecchio?

I mean, I think ideally it would be an alternate ending with a V-shaped threesome (that may or may not later turn into a triangle), but Vecchio and Fraser really weren't in the mood for that at all. So.

*hugs* Thank you so much!

[lorem_ipsum]

[insert feedback here]

Can't do any better than that right now. You broke me.

[china_shop]

(Yay!) Thank you so much.

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Mmm, this was great, and I don't know how I missed it when it was first posted. I love this sort of emotional honesty and rawness. I also like the way you chose to present Fraser's absence, with the details coming in bit by bit.

[china_shop]

Aw, yay! Thank you! *beam*