TEAM REALITY: Day 13, "Five Times Ray Kowalski Was Ashamed of His Dick and One Time He Wasn't"

[sage]

Title: Five Times Ray Kowalski Was Ashamed of His Dick and One Time He Wasn't
Author: j_s_cavalcante
Team: Reality
Prompt: I never said they were poisonous.
Pairing(s): Fraser/Kowalski, (Kowalski/Stella)
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 22,600 words
Warnings: Some brief scenes concern issues of teen sexuality and development (ages 14-17), frankly depicted.
Author's Notes: Reality, comin' atcha. A number of real-life incidents are woven into this story. I'm not telling exactly where. :)
Many thanks to my brilliant, stalwart, and ever-encouraging friend (and Team Reality Captain), nos4a2no9. I am grateful for her savvy insta-beta of this story. But she did more than beta this project. She husbanded it. For nearly two years, she has aided and abetted my probably unhealthy fascination with RayK's generous male endowments and my exploration of same in both fiction and art.  I therefore dedicate this piece to her.  Nos? This (big) one's for you. ;)
Summary: Uncovering the root of Ray Kowalski's self-esteem issues. ;)

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Five Times Ray Kowalski Was Ashamed of His Dick and One Time He Wasn't by J S Cavalcante

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Comments

[etcetera-cat.livejournal.com]

BOYS!

*flaily*

Oh, Ray-- (can't give coherant feedback, brain asploded)

[jule1122.livejournal.com]

I have a huge weakness for 5 times stories, but most are fairly short. This was wonderfully long and full of detail. Poor Ray, he just breaks your heart sometimes. But then he finally opens up to Fraser who accepts and loves him as is, understanding of course, who ray is. What a revelation for Ray. So beautiful to see, and the sex was so hot.

[http://users.livejournal.com/idlewild_/]

"Fraser's kisses were like nothing Ray had ever felt. Fraser pressed kisses hard into Ray's skin, as though he wanted to leave their imprint on Ray, as though he wanted to breathe them into Ray, much deeper than his skin.

With Fraser, nothing was about surface appearances. Everything was about diving in, immersing himself. Practically drowning."

Oh, lovely. Not that the rest of the story wasn't excellent, but I love this paragraph.

I really, really liked the appalling brutality and stupidity of high school boys, and particularly, Ray's dawning realization that they're assholes, and furthermore that he doesn't actually have to stay friends with them. Caspy is an excellent original character. Finely drawn. And I love that Fraser can't say 'fuck' until he just can't not. Both hot and beautiful and well characterized.

Poor Ray, though... you really just have to embrace being a freak, there's no way to get around it!

[zabira.livejournal.com]

awwww, this just made me feel so protective towards ray! *hugs him*

and i absolutely adored casper, and their entire interaction. and you drew stella well, so pragmatic and smart and loving. and i LOVED the little detail about ray's mom's ironing. gah. that's SO true.

also? HEEEEEEEEE. this is SO fraser:

Ray closed his eyes, shook his head to clear it, opened them again. Maybe he had water in his ears. Fraser was standing there, hard as a rock, in a shower with Ray and his freak dick, also hard as a rock, discussing penis size.

i can SEE him doing that, just being: la la la, "well ray, anthropological studies have found..." WHILE NAKED IN THE SHOWER. *g*

oh, and this too is SO awesomely fraser:

With Fraser, nothing was about surface appearances. Everything was about diving in, immersing himself. Practically drowning.

and AWWW, AW, AW:

But Fraser was saying, "It's all right, Ray. It's safe. Let go,"

and then: OMG laksdflasjdlfkjasldfjalskdjflakdjflkasdflasdf ze HOTNESS!

*dies in a shower of (happy) sparks*

ALSO?: go, ray! for making the mountie swear. *high fives him*

[simplystars.livejournal.com]

Oh, author. Author, author, author. I do not know who you are, but I love you. &hearts

This is such a beautiful story, and I shouldn't have read it because it is so long and I'm supposed to be packing (not to mistake: LONG is GOOD - hear that, Ray? *g* but packing is not) and I just finished and I don't have the time to detail everything I love about this story at this particular juncture.

But this is marvelous, and it can be so nerve-wracking waiting for comments to come in, so I wanted you to have one complete with YAY!PORN! arms: \o/\porn!/\o/

This has to become RayK backstory fanon. It is so lovingly crafted but doesn't flinch from awkwardness - in youth, and adolescence, and in loving the wrong person, and in loving the right person. But all the peek-through-fingers moments of the story just made the happy ending that much more welcome and joyous and just the epitome of loving.

So I *will* be back with more of What I Loved About Your Masterpiece! In the meantime, OMG thank you for the happy daydreamings I will take with me on a long boring hotel-conference weekend. :)

[meresy.livejournal.com]

*flaily flail flail*

I love this with much love. Jusy, oh Ray. It was so poignant and occasionally funny and hit my embarrassment squick sometimes and oh, Ray. *smooshes him*

*loooooooves*

&hearts &hearts ♥

[keerawa.livejournal.com]

Oh, RAY! So scared, and so brave. I had to stop reading and walk around the room in a fit of sympathetic embarrasment when he came from a towel flick. Eeep. I'm so glad I don't have to deal with external sexual organs, of normal or freakish proportions. I was proud of him for throwing in with Caspy. (Yep, Ray's got a thing for the smart ones, alright.) Poor Ray, being so damn careful with Stella all those years. And, damn, you write a hot sex scene!

[akite.livejournal.com]

Wow! That was amazing. I have a real kink for stories where one of the pairing is, uh, well endowed, shall we say? This one was no exception. Also, the Fraser/Ray sex part was way hot. *fans self*

[brigantine.livejournal.com]

Oh God, I'm so shallow - this was great, Ray bravely and determinedly navigating his way through the minefield of highschool, not just being a bit queer, but being physically, er, noticeable, as well - and trying to be a good guy at the same time, which, how easy is that in high school, even at the best of times?

And yet, what's my favorite bit? The part where Ray's trying to get Fraser to hurry the hell up and get into the shower, because the mysterious green stuff might be "corroding something" even as they speak. And he keeps Lava soap in the shower for when Fraser throws him in gross stuff. OMG, so adorkable!

[suchthefangirl.livejournal.com]

I love long stories. Especially when they are very well written. And this one was very. Both.

And I loved it oh so very much.

Ray's back story was so believable and so bittersweet and just fits. And Fraser, when he arrives, is so very perfectly him as well.

I just didn't want it to end. Not because it needed more, but because I wanted to see Ray being happy after the awkwardness of his childhood, and because they both deserve it so very much.

I could go on, but it would just be all gushing with no content...

Wow, Day 13 was a really great day. Thank you for such a great story. I know I will read this one again and again.

[vsee.livejournal.com]

There is so much I love about this story, and I am probably going to need to reread it a dozen times to enjoy it all adequately. Funny, poignant, sexy. The conceit of Ray's outward "queerness" worked very well as part of the emotional context. Delightful. What a treat this story is. *twirls our lovely anonymous author*

[mizface.livejournal.com]

I so so so loved this. Especially Ray realizing he could think back and re-categorize his memories. And well, basically the whole this was amazing.

Yay you!!!

[leafy22.livejournal.com]

Oh, the awkwardness of Young!Ray makes me feel so protective of him and sad - but it makes his contentment and hopefulness with Fraser at the end of the story all the sweeter. ♥

[leyna55.livejournal.com]

Awwww, Ray. Wonderful character voice! Sweet, funny, awkward, vulnerable, and so needing a hug. (Glad that Fraser is there to do the hugging instead!). I liked how the concept of hiding his "freakishness" and queerness lead to his skills as an undercover cop.

Ray wasn't exactly Captain Attention Span *snerk* So true!

[veronamay.livejournal.com]

This! This is fantastic! Poor Ray and his freak dick, and poor Stella, and thank God for Fraser, seriously. This whole fic just makes me all warm and fuzzy and I may be grinning like an idiot right now. Awesome.

[the_antichris.livejournal.com]

Oh, RAY! This was fantastic and awkward and, well, REAL.

[petronelle.livejournal.com]

I adored this. I have a heck of a weakness for coming-of-age stories, complete with struggling and immaturity, and you made it all make beautiful sense.

[spuffyduds.livejournal.com]

So, yeah, I know this has a lot of serious stuff in it about growing up and figuring out who you are and finding the people who will help you be more-than-okay with who you are.

But can I just take a minute for fangirl squee that there is a marvelous epic story ENTIRELY ABOUT RAY'S GIANT DICK?!? *SQUUUEEEEEEE!!!!!*

Ahem. So, so good. The high-school viciousness was so well drawn--it doesn't even MATTER what's wrong with you, or what's RIGHT with you, they can always find SOMETHING to target, can't they? Yay, mystery author!

[luzula]

Oh, Ray. &hearts

Great story. It makes a convincing case that "adolescence = hell". Or maybe it's "other adolescents in groups = hell". The part in the locker room was kind of hard to read. Poor Ray.

I don't entirely believe Fraser about him never having given a blowjob. Or, well, he's not lying, of course, but I think that after discreetly checking out Ray's dick (god, I love him doing that), he practised a lot with a suitable object.

[chalcopyrite.livejournal.com]

You did almost *too* good a job on the cruelty of the other kids. ::shudders:: Little horrors. I'm afraid I had to skip some bits, but this was a really good story. I thought you used the five-things theme really well to string it all together, and nice how you came back to the beginning at the end of it. Great look at things that made Ray Ray.

Also, catalysis being provided by a vat of possibly corrosive, decaying chlorophyll in a vitamin warehouse? Made me smile.

[leonandra.livejournal.com]

I just want to hug little Ray in all his war paint and pet him and make it all better.
I'm glad that he stuck with Caspy and realized the others were not really his friends.
Poor Stella but yay for Fraser who just takes Ray in his own freaky way so they can be freaks together.

I liked this story very much and the sex was scorching hot.

[springwoof.livejournal.com]

oh, Ray! I really liked scene with poor little "Cowboys & Indians" Ray trying so hard to be the best Indian he can be and trying to be authentic in the role. I also liked when he befriended Caspy, you showed us how brave we know Ray can be...

This was a very appealing and ultimately sweet story.

[kyriacarlisle.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad nobody ever has to be a teenager twice.

I think Ray looked down at himself like Adam in the Bible and realized he was naked may be my favorite line - I can imagine his mother reading to him from one of those big illustrated versions, and it feels so accurately childlike that he would remember the story and apply it to himself, and then the way the image sticks with him all the way to 1999 - albeit in the New Revised Swearing Version - is really pretty interesting: nice evidence that yes, This Ray grew out of That One (which, oh dear, given the subject matter looks more salacious than I meant it to).

[simplystars.livejournal.com]

Still speechless (mostly I blame my brain and being very tired atm). But oh, JS. How I loved this. &hearts And I *will* be able to tell you more precisely why. Soon!

[j-s-cavalcante.livejournal.com]

*hugs you* You are incredibly sweet. And thanks for pretending up there that you didn't know who I was. Hah. I told my teammates I realized no one was going to be stumped for a second. It was the one major reservation I had about writing this story for the Match.

secretlybronte, bless her heart, pointed out that we do want people to write like themselves, instead of, well, not like themselves.

Yeah, that was an extreme paraphrase. I'll have to look up exactly what she said. Because she does not ever sound like Frannie. Me, though, I know I'm tired, when I start talking like Frannie. :)